A factor that distinguishes loving relationships from unhealthy ones is power, not just our sense of personal power but also whether there is concern over who holds power over the other.
Relationships reliant on one person being in power and the other having a diminished role can not grow. They’re draining and demoralising instead of being energising.
Power struggles and inferiority and superiority create a dangerous imbalance, with the lack of respect permeating everything, making it toxic. One or both want to feel in control, safe, and meaningful. The only time you need to concern yourself with power is when realising you’re involved with someone who’s reliant on your not having any. That’s not the relationship for you.
Loving relationships have co-pilots with a shared agenda.
In these mutually fulfilling relationships, it’s not about winning and losing, right versus wrong; it’s about us. Each party has agency and can also come together to co-pilot their relationship. It’s not about who’s right. Instead, it’s about what’s right for the relationship.
For more on authentic, loving relationships, check out my book Love, Care, Trust and Respect.
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