I was going to write this article about the signs to look out for to tell you that a guy will be good in bed, however, you know how uncooperative those men can be. For decades, we have heard the myth that men with big feet or hands are sporting huge penises. To our utter dismay and chagrin, this myth has been utterly dispelled. Along with the myth that the bigger he is, the better it is for you. And the myth that if he’s a good kisser he automatically knows how to properly go downtown. And the myth that guys with big penises know what to do with it, and the myth that….the list is practically endless as they are shattering our illusions on a daily basis by their pitiful attempts.
Bear in mind that there are a lot of reasons that a guy could be bad in bed. He could be tired, cranky, moody, angry, emotional etc. I’m not saying that having one or a couple of bad sack sessions should cause you to give him the boot, but if on a consistent basis he is exhibiting any of these symptoms, you might need to get a bulk of batteries from Costco or take more stringent action.
Also, a lot of their attempts can be stifled by your responses. If you lay there like a cold fish, and don’t participate in the sexual play, chances are there will be no passionate romp. Without any further ado, this is my list of reasons I wouldn’t want to sleep with a guy because I know he will be a total waste of my time.
- He constantly talks about how good he is in bed or how large his penis is. Empty barrels make the most noise.
- His last girlfriend, or 2 became a lesbian. Something is wrong with this picture.
- He has a few drinks in his system before the act. It will stagnate his abilities. Especially his penile abilities.
- He thinks that foreplay is a sloppy kiss, a squeeze to your boob and a quick dipstick test to see if you are wet. ‘Nuff said.
- He has to watch porn to get hard before even attempting anything with you.
- He has BO/MO/PO (yeah, penises can smell too!). I’m not saying smelly guys can’t be good in bed, but if you have a sensitive nose, chances are you will be turned off.
- When you make out with him, he is stingy with his caresses and touches. This is a red flag that homeboy is a selfish lover…and we all know that selfish lovers don’t make good shags.
- During a makeout session, he directs you to please him as quickly as possible then falls asleep immediately after the fact. I’m not impressed.
Did I leave anything out?
Vixen is Deputy Editor for Baggage Reclaim. Visit her blog Bad Girls Guide