I started Baggage Reclaim in September 2005, and there are over 1700 blog posts. If you’re new to the site, welcome! You might not know where to start, so this page features a selection of popular and super-helpful posts on a variety of topics.
And if you’re looking for podcast episodes, I have a separate guide for The Baggage Reclaim Sessions.
MOST POPULAR OF ALL TIME
This selection has been read many millions of times over the years.
When You’re Accused of Cheating
Don’t They Care About Me? Didn’t I Mean Something To Them?
The Big Question: Will he try to get in contact with me?
Why Do They Keep Having Sex With Me If They’re Not Interested Or Don’t Want The Relationship I Want?
10 Signs That A Guy Wants You Just For Sex
Overlappers: When they start a new relationship just before your breakup
WHAT DO YOU NEED HELP WITH?
Understanding, identifying and letting go of emotional baggage
How to be more emotionally available (and break patterns)
Reeling from an out-of-the-blue breakup
Working out whether someone is emotionally unavailable
Figuring out whether it’s a good idea to be friends with your ex
Understanding what No Contact is and why it’s not about being ‘mean to your ex after a breakup
Signs you’re in the wrong relationship
Signs you’re settling for crumbs in your relationships
Choppers—recognising when you’re in an emotionally abusive relationship
In recognising our emotional baggage and the blocks it creates, we open a path to transformation. It’s not just about unpacking our past but about repacking for the future with wisdom, resilience, and self-awareness. In doing so, we reclaim ourselves.
#peoplepleasing #peoplepleasernomore #emotionalhealing #baggagereclaim #selfcare
I write a newsletter, ‘On Knowing Yourself’, and recently shared what I learned from having to end a relationship last year. No matter the type of relationship - romantic, friendship, familial - accepting that you’ve reached the end of the road and that you’ve given it your best can feel tough. You will grieve. But you will also be more than okay; you will be yourself and available for more loving relationships.
Read the full newsletter here: https://natalielue.substack.com/p/one-year-on-from-the-breakup
Attraction is necessary, as it distinguishes our romantic relationships from friendships. Combined with chemistry, attraction is the sum of how we connect and relate to each other.
If you treat and regard yourself with love, care, trust and respect, who you experience attraction and chemistry with is entirely different from someone who doesn’t consider themselves to be a worthwhile and valuable person.
More on the blog: https://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/how-self-esteem-influences-romantic-attraction-and-chemistry/
Where do I even begin! Eighteen years and three weeks ago, I started writing Baggage Reclaim. I never imagined what it would lead to. All I’d set out to do was help at least *one* person avoid what I’d been through or to navigate their way out of an unhealthy situation. I wound up doing so much more.
2023 has been tricky. I’ve slowed down, paused/stopped a number of things, including The Baggage Reclaim Sessions podcast, and made space for grieving and getting a sense of how I want to proceed. The publishing process for The Joy of Saying No took a lot out of me. I’ve sometimes felt lost and unsteady. Oh, and I also broke up with my mother. It’s been a lot.
A few months back, after meeting @ohmygoshitsjackie at an event and hearing her talk about Baggage Reclaim’s impact, it really hit me that I couldn’t let this milestone anniversary go without celebration. I booked a venue @up_brixton and this past weekend, I *celebrated* with a host of family, friends, readers and listeners 🎉🎉🎉 We know how to rave!
Thank you to everyone who’s supported me over the years. 🙏🏾🙏🏾
So many of us struggle with feelings of abandonment, rejection, feeling not good enough, and people pleasing with emotionally unavailable and shady folks. We’ve been scared of boundaries, expressing our needs, being less than perfect, and becoming more of who we are, and so we settle for crumbs and abandon and hurt ourselves in the process.
My intention has and always will be to help people overcome the emotional baggage that creates these patterns so that we enjoy more love, care, trust and respect and break these generational patterns.
Peeps, don’t wait to be picked or for others to celebrate you, and please don’t burn yourself out trying to please others. Take care of you.
#baggagereclaim #recoveringpeoplepleaser #healthyboundaries
If, when someone pisses you off or they don’t meet your expectations, you immediately remember all the things you’ve ‘done’ for them, you need to check yourself and *stop* people pleasing.
You’re doing what *might* be good things but for the wrong reasons, and that’s what makes it problematic. Those aren’t favours; they’re contracts. Be aware of your intentions and motivations, including what you hope to get back or what you’re trying to control or avoid. This way, you don’t have to feel resentful or worn out, and your relationships get to be loving and boundaried.
#boundaries #recoveringpeoplepleaser #healthyboundaries #healthyrelationships #peoplepleasernomore #peoplepleasing #thejoyofsayingno
Sometimes when we realise that we’re not being treated right despite not having done anything wrong and all our pleasing effort, we hang around waiting for the other party to see the error of their ways. It’s as if we hope we’ll create a tipping point of people pleasing where they spontaneously combust into someone else. But waiting around for someone to do the right thing causes us to do the wrong thing by and to ourselves. Instead of waiting, we can say no to anymore of their shenanigans and choose love, care, trust and respect for ourselves in the process.
📖 The Joy of Saying No: A Simple Plan to Stop People Pleasing, Reclaim Boundaries, and Say Yes to the Life You Want is out now.
There isn’t a tipping point of people pleasing where you finally start reaping the rewards and you’re set free to be yourself. Now is the perfect time to be more you.
#peoplepleasernomore #codependentnomore #peoplepleasing #recoveringpeoplepleaser #recoveringperfectionist #healthyboundaries
As a recovering people pleaser, I’m done with jumping through hoops trying to prove myself to unpleasable people. Done! Hard pass! Not doing it!
You don’t need to keep proving yourself or trying to earn their approval, and whoever you first learned to do this with taught you to believe you *had* to be a people pleaser. If you have a parent, friend, *someone* in your life that feels perpetually disappointed in you and maybe even feels entitled to make their feelings and issues your problem, it’s okay to say no to this malarkey.
Don’t forget that my book, The Joy of Saying No: A Simple Plan to Stop People Pleasing, Reclaim Boundaries, and Say Yes to the Life You Want is out now. Link in bio.
#recoveringpeoplepleaser #recoveringperfectionist #codependentnomore #healthyboundaries #narcissisticabuse
Baggage Reclaim is a trading name of LueSim Ltd. Registered no 8939332. Registered in England & Wales. Registered office: Bda Associates Limited Annecy Court, Ferry Works, Summer Road, Thames Ditton, Surrey, England, KT7 0QJ.
© 2005–2023 Natalie Lue, Baggage Reclaim. All Rights Reserved.
Please do not take content without citation, and you need written permission to republish in full or to share more than a quote. Please do not reproduce any part of this content on social media platforms without crediting me or permission.