If you’re in a poor relationship or have just cut contact with a Mr Unavailable or an assclown, are heartbroken, or are already feeling the temptation to let the Christmas spirit affect your relationship sensibilities, here are the first five tips to help keep you on the straight and narrow,…or put you back on it.
1. Keep Christmas in perspective
The festive season doesn’t make copper glitter so that it becomes gold or platinum, or wave a magic wand that turns your cockroach come frog into a prince. When the crackers have been pulled, you’ve got a gut ache from turkey, and Christmas day has passed, he is what he is. Don’t confuse Christmas with an opportunity to place expectations on a current partner or ex that he is incapable of meeting irrespective of what day it is. It is Christmas, not a magic fix all.
2. No matter how much you beg, no matter how much you plead whether it is to yourself or to others, don’t feed the drama demon and use the season to restart contact.
Trust me, it will all end in tears. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but pretty soon after. The high you feel by giving into the relationship crack and drunk dialling him, texting him, turning up at the bar where he’s at, or even worse, shagging his brains out, will be replaced by a low that will deal a blow to your self-esteem. There is a reason why you started no contact and trust me, it hasn’t changed, and if anything, you’ll cement that decision if you give in to your worst self and fall off the wagon.
3. If you fall off the wagon, lick your wounds, open your eyes, and get back on it.
We are all human and sometimes it takes a backslide to give us the kick up the backside that we needed. Rather than wallow in the misery and declare yourself helpless, see things for what they are and pat yourself on the back for at least having the guts to get back on the wagon. Wallowing, self-blame, and holding a Christmas pity party is for those that don’t want to let go or be accountable for putting their lives on the right path. Don’t let this be you, and if it is, give yourself a few days to give yourself a proverbial smack on the bum and then get back in your own saddle.
4. Do not, I repeat, do not ruin Christmas or stay at home waiting for your married guy or that guy with the girlfriend to call.
I don’t care what BS he told you about how much he’ll miss you and how he wishes he could be with you, and yada yada yada. I smell a serious load of BS! The trap of the other woman is when you start putting your life on hold for these assclowns, waiting for them to dignify you with a call, or heaven forbid a stolen moment for them to text you… Next thing you know, you’ve grimaced your way through Christmas dinner and everyone’s wondering why you’re uptight. Or…you sacked off being with family or friends to stay home and cherish the moment he got in touch with you. Are you on crack? Go and live your life because regardless of what shite he is feeding you, he is getting on with his.
5. Don’t buy a gift or send a card or text message if you’re heartbroken
You may think I’m being harsh but we tend to create reasons to create contact which in turn creates expectations. There is no such thing as a free gift, card, or text message – each one of these things carries the burden of your expectation and if he doesn’t do what you consciously or subconsciously expect, you will be immensely disappointed. You have to ask yourself why you’re giving a gift or contacting someone who doesn’t want you because when a relationship is over, you need to interpret and register the signal that if the relationship has failed and he doesn’t want you, you shouldn’t be wanting him or chasing him down with festive contact. You may feel it’s about doing the right thing, but there comes a time in life when you have to recognise that sometimes we don’t recognise what is good for us, and in this case, doing the right thing is about doing right by you and preserving your sanity. If the urge grabs you, sit on the feeling and see if it you still feel the urge on the 26th or 27th. Then ask yourself if you expect anything as a result of whatever action you have planned. Then ask yourself why you think that whatever you have planned is going to change him and remind yourself that it’s a disappointing time when you keep expecting someone to change.
Part 2 coming up tomorrow!