According to Tony Collis who appears to be a relationship coach in Australia, the ‘rules’ of dating have become so complex that men are struggling and gifting is in its demise.
“I think a lot of men have the idea that the way to impress a woman, or the way to her heart is to take her out on an expensive dinner, buy her gifts and so on,” Tony said.
“We advocate the absolute opposite.”
He goes onto stress that men need to cut out the lavish dinners, gifts, flowers etc and return to their caveman ways.
“Genetically and physiologically, I think men are programmed to grab women by the hair, take her to the cave, have his way with her and pro-create,”
Nice guys finish last in his book and he suggests “be cocky, be cheeky, tease them a bit and don’t be afraid to start physical contact very, very early”.
Hilarious!
I am a firm believer that modern dating has got itself tangled in a web of dodgy rules with a whole lot of people running around like headless chickens blundering their way through dating and relationships. Some of the things that Tony talks about are true but where men go wrong is not in giving a woman a gift, taking her out to dinner or giving her a bunch of flowers, but in trying to buy her affection or even worse, buy his way into her bed. As usual the point is being missed – the right type of woman who isn’t shallow enough to base a relationship on the material things doesn’t mind being on the receiving end but doesn’t like to be made to feel like she owes the man the world and then some because he gave her a dinner.
I think Tony’s attitude is a little representative of the Australian culture with this caveman attitude but whatever group of men he’s talking to, unless it’s their thang, most women don’t have a desire for the caveman mentality,wherever they’re from. He did get one thing right though – “What they [women] mean when they say they’re looking for a nice guy, to translate that into man speak, it’s more along the lines of I want someone who’s going to make me feel nice….”
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“- “What they [women] mean when they say they’re looking for a nice guy, to translate that into man speak, it’s more along the lines of I want someone who’s going to make me feel nice….—
Holy crap…..why don’t women just say that??
Historians tell us that ‘courtly’ love and dating rituals were pretty much invented during the Renaissance, about 500 years ago. This lead to the victorian age of ‘cover that skin’. I look around, and it seems many people are happier exposing an arm or a leg. Why should it be surprising that dumping the ‘rules’ could also increase happiness.
The expensive gifts and displays date back to the practive of providing doweries for brides, and for selling girls as brides. No wonder some men think they are buying a girlfriend, a mate, or at least an evening.
Besides, fashion and dating rules are wrong — the point it to make babies, looking ‘sexy’ or ‘hot’ is useful for finding a mate — the rest is about making babies.
damnitanyway – We do you just don’t listen! 😉
Brad K – I do agree that these attitudes about gifts are built into the male psyche since practically the beginning of time. I don’t know if it’s all about making babies as it’s different strokes for different folks, but it is about finding happiness on a personal individual level and then if it’s what you want, finding happiness with someone else.
Tony Collis is actually one of the resources I used when forming my “Nice Ass” approach. (If you don’t know, it’s a long story.) All I can say is that it works… but it only works for short term. So if you’re looking for three dates and nothing more, this is the way to go.