There’s a hell of a lot of pressure, both internal and external, to be happy, and of course, feeling happier is a good thing, it’s just that pursuing it as if it’s a static destination or the flash car, house or job that you finally land after much blood, sweat and tears, is making us very unhappy. Thinking about happiness a lot is causing many of us to beat ourselves up, questioning whether we’re ‘good enough’.
We look at other people and wonder why they find happiness so ‘easy’ and we try things out and wonder why certain feelings still come to us, prompting us to question whether it’s worth the effort. It’s tempting to settle for less, convincing ourselves that some crumbs is better than no crumbs, even though this only results in us feeling far worse. So, where does that leave us?
Here’s what I’ve learned, and I say this as someone who only started feelings her feelings just before I started Baggage Reclaim nearly 11.5 years ago: Being happy isn’t natural for some of us because we’ve adopted certain coping and survival habits due to past experiences, causing us to be out of touch with our feelings and who we are, but to also be primed for the other shoe to drop when we find ourselves in good situations, something that we gradually grow out of as our confidence increases but also as we recognise our resilience.
It’s important for us to acknowledge this because sometimes, when we’re reading or listening to advice about happiness, we can start to feel as if we’re weird because it can seem as if they don’t account for trauma. It can seem as if it’s advice for people who are already relatively happy and just don’t know how good they have it. Compassionately acknowledging the journey we’ve travelled can help us to be more patient with ourselves but to also acknowledge our efforts.
What we also discover is that as we start to feel better about ourselves, part of our processing and evolving means that issues from the past crop up, so it can be a bit of a juggle.
It can feel as if we make leaps forward and then cool down a bit to somewhere higher than where we were before but not quite where we’ve just been. In the future, when we look back, we realise how far we’ve come and actually, how happy we’ve been even with what may be some very testing times, but the ups and downs can cause us to feel very frustrated. It can feel as if our past keeps interrupting us.
When I felt challenged by some issues from childhood that popped up over the last couple of years, I did say to myself, ‘What the eff does the past want now? Why do I have to go through this?’ I felt very down and angry for a while, especially because it felt as if I had back-to-back pain. Just as I would navigate out of one thing, boom!, and the next thing was on top of me. It did feel really unfair but eventually, I stopped focusing on that or even putting myself under pressure to be ‘better’, and went back to taking care of me, bit by bit, day by day.
I learned a lot about myself and I realised how important it was for me to go through what I had. I stopped trying to be in control, hard as that was at times. Then I went to New York at the end of May 2016 with the kids, to run a workshop and have an adventure. Nia, my youngest, was sick for pretty much the entire trip. I’d surrender, then I was frustrated, then surrender and back and forth I went. We got back to London and I vented in my journal and to Em, finally found the humour and peace in it and said, ‘Right, I truly am ready to let go and be done!’ It felt great. Fifteen minutes later, I got the news of my father’s cancer. I’m laughing at the absurdity and twisted humour of life.
It’s too much to expect of ourselves that we can be happy all the time, even if we had The Most Jacked Up Childhood Ever or that we’ve been through our fair share of painful experiences in adulthood and feel that we’re owed a peaceful time.
It’s also too much to expect that we can control life and obliterate anything that doesn’t suit us or that it will come with well-timed intermissions.
We have to juggle emotional baggage that we offload, declutter and accumulate throughout our life, with living, loving, and being challenged by what life throws us along the way.
We can be angry, afraid, sad and more, but we become more resilient and enjoy genuine happiness because we keep figuring out how to get back up after we fall and we learn from the journey from ground to standing. We also figure out what feels good and right for us and how to achieve that authentically instead of subscribing to someone else’s version of what makes ‘everyone’ happy. We take pleasure in lots of small things that maybe we never used to notice before instead of always having to go ‘big’.
Trying to ‘make’ ourselves happy without actually taking care of us, the person, as in the thoughts that we feed us and the way that we treat us, is like cutting the heads off the weeds while leaving the roots.
Self-esteem is the sum of how we treat ourselves and that’s not just about the ways in which we go about enjoying more happiness, but also very much about how we treat us through the difficult times. Try to be just a little more patient, kinder, empathetic, tolerant with you each day–it can make a vast difference to your life.
Your thoughts?
Want more help with reducing emotional baggage and reclaiming you? Check out 100 Days of Baggage Reclaim and Love, Care, Trust & Respect.
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Dear Natalie,
Your post could not have come at a better time! At the New Year I had 4 days off in a row with little or no commitment to anyone, but myself. I have spent hours and hours in front of my fireplace pouring over the Baggage Claim website. It is as though my soul is so very hungry for this information. I will follow a thread that leads me to another thread and receive, it seems, exactly what I needed. You are like the Emotional Unavailable Whisperer. You know stuff on a core level. It is amazing to me how you are so spot on. I read the comments of people here too and gain such insight. I have been in a great deal of pain these last two weeks. I had taken a year off of dating to gather myself and give myself some room. Upon re-entry, I signed up for online dating. Holy mother….what a horrible way to reintroduce myself to dating. I am reeling from the experience and now off the site…..licking my wounds. The last one was my “epiphany guy”. I had no idea that there was old stuff from childhood still brewing. I have done so much work over the years on this stuff. But it showed up with this man in a way that I have never seen it. I have been able to feel my feelings in a way that has loosened something up inside of me. I keep getting little hits all day long that tell me to keep going….stay with the process……FEEL! For the love of God…FEEL! And you know what? It is putting a kind of a giddy in my step. I can’t get enough of the posts and reading things here. It is like a salve on my heart……my little child heart too.
I am jumping up and down with Gratitude Natalie. Thank you so very much……..thank you. I have posted here before under the name of Wendy. I have recently legally changed my name to Ahylish. Sending love to you and all those here.
It doesn’t feel like a new year yet and it’s probably because i’m still living in last years pain. I finally decided to let go of the emotionally unavailable man I was dealing with and my deadline was New Years. He finally admitted that he wasn’t ready for a relationship after 6 months of keeping me on a leash and mentioned that he had somethings he needed to work on in himself. I hate to admit it but I can’t believe I could have gone through all this for someone I honestly didn’t love.
I copied and pasted all the advice I received in the previous posts on my notes and re-read them daily. I read some of the books I purchased I purchased for the 3rd time including “no contact” and “fall back girl” to try to speed up this healing process because it hurts. I put up affirmations in sticky notes on my mirror and say them daily. I started praying more and getting closer with God. Started writing daily about my feelings and listed the millions of reasons why this man is and was no good for me but JEEZ…IT STILL FREAKING HURTS as though it happened this morning EVERY MORNING I WAKE UP. I have this emptiness and I want to be happy… I choose to be happy but somehow my thoughts/memories creep up and it’s like I don’t want to believe I invested so much time and energy in a man that couldn’t love me and was willing to lose me. I thought I had seen it all with unavailable men and I just KNEW that this guy had to be different because he was THERE. He was consistent, he supported me financially as he could, even though I initiated the dates he was there, he was good to my child, he consumed SO MUCH of my life, I didn’t even see this ending. I wanted to believe he was going through a phase. Yeah we fast forwarded through it but I thought that maybe he would simply slow down but still continue to take the necessary steps to build with me.
Now it’s suddenly about how he needs to focus on HIM. & how he needs to elevate and take steps that will better him as a man but he somehow has to do that without me. I stayed past the due date because I couldn’t imagine him bettering himself for another woman. It wasn’t fair. I waited so damn long for that title and all along he convinced me that he just needed more time. I feel like a fool & I just don’t know how to move on with life & pick up where I left off. I’m lost but i’m so alone. Gosh… I have my little one but she’s too young to grasp all this & I have to put on a pretend face of strength when she’s in my presence and then my world comes crashing down when she falls asleep. 5 years now of being single but somehow managing to keep breaking up with EUM men that never would/could commit to me. Yes I noticed patterns but this time it was different. I thought this was it.
You’re right Natalie… happiness is not an easy thing to find and/or have. I just want to be okay…I just want to be free 🙁
“I feel like a fool & I just don’t know how to move on with life”
Cycles,
I feel for you, I truly do. You are doing the right thing re-reading advice and information you have collected. I have done the same – collected bits of posts and comments I can identify with so that I can re-read them. It helps, but then the dark clouds appear again and as you say the thoughts creep up. Yes it hurts like hell. I don’t know about how you feel when you wake up – for me I have that knot in my tummy, a sense of fear and panic, wishing I hadn’t woken up.
You and I need to train our minds not to think about our EUM. But like you I am struggling to do that. Like you I feel used after finding out my MM was seeing another woman, who is herself married, and being lied to. He said he still wanted to see me as well. He texts me, but only when HE feels like it. I fear it will become less and less. As Lucy said in a reply to another comment of mine, we are addicted to them, even though we know they are not right for us. That’s why it hurts so much, we are waiting for some sign that they still think of us, that they care about us. But in our minds we know really that they don’t, and have moved on, so easily, while we are a mess. And that hurts even more. I
I know that advice is to get out there with friends, find a hobby etc, instead of being alone with our thoughts, and while that can be done during the day, it is the night time that is the most difficult when the thoughts go round and round in the head. How do we get round that?
As regards to finding happiness, guess we need to first define what happiness is for us. We have to remember that we can’t rely on someone else to make us happy, but paradoxically for me, a loving caring partner is all I’ve ever wanted to make me happy, not a big house or a flash car or lots of money. Previous to MM I was in a relationship with another EUM, waiting for 7 years for him to commit. He never did and got engaged to another woman after seeing her for two weeks. Go figure!
Although I did eventually get over my first EUM, more because MM came along, I don’t know if subsequent EUM relationships are more difficult to get over? I know I am struggling badly with MM abandoning me and moving onto a new woman.
I feel your pain, and I know it is excruciatingly slow and painful, but I hope day by day you start to hurt less.
xxx
Cycles,
Rachel is right you need to forget about dating anyone for while as you will end up with another EUM just filling that gap of loneliness.
But I do understand you missing him, illogical though it is because of the way he has treated you.
Look at the negatives of the relationship with him and think of what a future with him would have been like – more pain. If you do that it will help you to see you are better off without him.
That’s what I do , it does help a bit.
xxx
Thanks for the endorsement Heartbroken. 🙂
I really do empathise with both of your stories, and I understand how easily one can get swept up in the wrong man, especially during times when we’re feeling vulnerable. Lord know I’ve been there enough times.
I know that what I’m saying sounds harsh, but it’s only because I can relate, and I’m still trying to navigate the murky waters of dating (and making the same mistakes along the way).
However, what information I have managed to absorb from Nat over the years, is to trust my instincts more, and to ‘abort mission’ when I see red flags. I don’t always get it right, my most recent ex the Narcissist, slipped through the net and it took me the best part of 4 months to see him for the POS he really was before telling him to f**k off last week. But I am better at not beating myself up for my failed romances. I am much better at acknowledging my own part in all of this (after all, we DO choose them), and dusting myself off. That’s exactly what you should both try to do which I know is easier said…
Ladies, you had lives before these men entered them, and you will continue to have life after they’ve gone! Please don’t let your feelings over rule what you know to be true in your heads: THESE MEN ARE NOT RIGHT FOR YOU.
And that’s OK.
Rachel,
You’re just trying to be helpful and give us that kick up the backside we need from time to time.
I do know with this latest experience that any other relationship I get into (if I ever do) I will think things through so as not to end up in the same situation.
I stupidly thought I could handle seeing MM and if it had been a short relationship, may be I would have been fine, but three years, with two years being intimate is quite a time and of course by that time my heart was involved.
I don’t know why I got involved with MM – because I fancied him a bit anyway before he started to chase me? Because he was a work colleague and it was easy to meet up? Because I wanted affection and he gave it to me. Not to mention the future-faking and love-bombing that got me fooled. I trusted him, but then he went on to chase another woman.
I did date someone in between my first relationship and MM briefly and kicked him into touch because I wasn’t getting the respect and time from him to develop the relationship.
In future I will be avoiding EUM and heed red flags.
It is the current pain that I need to deal with and am finding hard. I can’t stop the thoughts about him going round in my head, good and bad.
As you say I must not allow my feelings and thoughts to over rule the truth that he is a no good POS.
Your support and that from other BR posters is so needed and appreciated. Don’t always get the right type of support from friends or family.
The hardest thing is being on my own. Family is far away and most of the few friends are either busy or not really supportive. Oh they have good suggestions like, join a dance class. But I don’t think I’m at that stage. Yet.
I’ll keep coming to BR for support in the meantime while I’m on this rollercoster of emotions, feeling ok one minute and in depressed the next.
xxxx
Heartbroken,
I wish I could wave a magic wand and all the heartache that you, and others are feeling would disappear forever, but I can’t. There’s no easy way out of what you’re currently feeling, you just have to take it day-by-day and allow yourself to go through all of the emotions. Slowly, things WILL start to get better (how long is dependent on you) and the rollercoaster ride stops, but it’s not healthy to wallow in bad feelings for any longer than you have to.
I know it sounds cliche but when people suggest that you take up an activity, it’s not to patronise you or make you feel like a loser, it’s because there are so many benefits to getting out of the house and distracting your mind for an hour or two by doing something fun, or helpful for others. It’s also a great way of making some new friends if your current circle are too busy or not supportive enough.
The activities are also a way of breaking that cycle of loneliness for a few hours. When I went through my last major break up, I threw myself into my workouts and writing. The gym became my second home and I got a real buzz from how much my body transformed too – which also boosted my confidence a tonne. The writing was a perfect distraction for when I was home alone, it gave my mind something to do other than dwell on how lonely, hopeless and heartbroken I felt.
Nobody is forcing you into it, you’re not ready to do it and that’s perfectly OK too. But please bare in mind that you will always feel alone until you truly learn to enjoy/appreciate your own company. I have friends who are currently in LTRs/cohabiting and still complain of feeling alone, on the other hand, I also have friends in successful LDRs (mainly military wives) who combat any feelings of longing/loneliness by adopting a hectic schedule of activities and social events, leaving them with very little time to sit at home feeling sad between Skype calls.
Take some time to get yourself centred, try to get to the bottom of why your relationship pattern is like this, and take a long break from men and dating until you’ve dealt with these matters. In the meantime, keep coming back to BR and keep talking to us. This forum is an amazing support circle and offers such a wide range of views, experiences and advice.
You don’t have to go through this alone… xxx
Thank you Rachel.
It is sad indeed how many of us are suffering pain and heartache, but many on BR have managed to get the dark tunnel to emerge into the light at the other end and both Cycles and I will too.
Yes, taking it day by day. I feel better today, but exhausted emotionally. I spoke to MM yesterday and told him how much he had hurt me. He apologised. I think getting that off my chest has helped.
I have a interior project lined up so aim to pick my self up, get off my arse at weekends and work on that. I wasn’t able to do anything last weekend, as I was in a bad way.
I may look into volunteer work or weekend walking clubs etc to just get out and be focussing on something else.
I guess that is the key for a lot of people, either those alone or those in relationships as I have noted my friends are always busy visiting family or going here or there whether it be on their own despite having a partner or with their partner.
I thought I was fine being alone, with only myself for company, but I guess having had some form of affection albeit crumbs, I am missing that. It is strange that although I didn’t see MM that often and I was alone in my flat most days, I did not feel totally alone, I felt that someone was there for me, even though not by my side every day. And now I don’t have that. No texts every day asking after me, and knowing now that he is sending those texts to another woman I know that anything to me is a just false and kind of placatory.
I am going to be good to me.
On wards and upwards!
xxx
I am sorry for all of you guys going through your own pain. I am sure we will all feel better about things soon. I too am heart broken. On a recent split with my ex, he found another women. We did get back together, but I have just found out he was still in contact with her. we have just spent a lovley weekend together, and when we woke up this morning he told me he wanted to go and see this women, as he was racked with guilt, as her father is dying. He sais he promised her that he would be there for her. he says he is not planning to go back to a relationship with her. I left, feeling gutted and without argument . I cant bear the thought of him being with her consoling her. He says he loves us both. Wht should I do???? please help. I feel sick!
Carol,
Drop him now & for good, unless you want to have that sick feeling as your new normal, everyday state. He’s shown you plainly that he doesn’t want to commit to you. And what he’s given you as the reason sounds like a complete load. For all you know, he’s saying the same thing to her about you: that he’s with you out of guilt. This guy wants to have his cake and eat it too, stringing you both along for as long as you accept his shabby treatment. And frankly, sorry to be harsh, but that kind of man is pretty likely to leave you both for another woman in the end.
Unless you want to share him with another woman or two for now and forever, you must leave him. It’s never easy, but you won’t be available for a man who wants only you until you take that step. No contact brings great freedom with it. Good luck.
PS: Since he says he loves her, it’s certain he’s doing more with her than just “consoling”. Would you be okay with him having the kind of weekend with her that he just had with you? I don’t think so, or you wouldn’t be heartbroken. But stay with him now, and you know you will only have half a relationship at best. He won’t change his behaviour. No chance.
Please take care, and protect yourself sexually with him too if you can’t bring yourself to dump him just yet. He’s not worth risking your life over.
Happy new year Cycles and mini Cycles,
I hope that you still managed to find some enjoyment in the festive season, and spent time with your little one.
The most important thing is that you have to learn something from all of this, or you will end up allowing another EUM to waste another 6 months of your time, and I really don’t want that for you.
The impression that I get from reading your update is that you still equate happiness to having a partner (more specifically your ex) in your life, even though his presence / intentions were ambiguous and misleading. I know you feel bereft now, which is understandable, but I urge you not to reminisce with rose tinted spectacles. If the relationship was so great in the first place, you wouldn’t be in this position now.
“Yes I noticed patterns but this time it was different. I thought this was it.”
Please, be honest with yourself Cycles… How did his behaviour lead you to that conclusion? OK, he occasionally gave you money for groceries and spent a lot of time in your home with your kid, so what? A few token gestures of kindness and he’s now ranked The One? He made it very clear that he liked being at yours because he lived back home with his parents. He liked the convenience of being able to bring his kid round to play with yours. He liked being catered to by a warm and kind soul like you, yet he struggled to SHOW you the love and affection you deserve because he didn’t feel that for you. So, I’m a bit confused as to what exactly you’re missing about this relationship? You seemed so confused, unhappy and lonely whilst with him, surely, that was the clue that you’re seeking fulfillment / commitment / happiness in the wrong place! It has to come from YOU first.
If past relationships tend to end in a similar way, then why do you cling onto this belief that having a man is your only route to happiness? Or the only means of curing your loneliness? It’s not working so far, so perhaps you should start the new year exploring your options. Find out what you love to do, take up a class, travel, pole dance – just find something, anything that gives you joy and isn’t man-shaped.
From what you’ve shared with us to date, you have a history of getting entwined with EUMs and then fast forwarding the relationship only for it to fail. I’d like to understand why permit this? Do you tend to follow the man’s lead and go along at their pace? Or do you feel like they’ll lose interest if you ask to be courted properly? Why would you allow a man that you barely know to make himself at home in your house? Would you like to be courted properly in the future? I mean actual dates where he takes you someplace nice and you talk and get to know each other? If so, everything that you’re currently doing needs to stop. You’re not a doormat and your home is not a hang out for grown men living with their mama. Fact.
For now, I’d advise you to stay out of the dating pool until you can establish why you always end up here. You also need to take a good look at your own behaviour when you first start dating guys. You’re not giving yourself sufficient time to get to know them well before making a commitment. Had you allowed your ex to date you properly, you would’ve seen within the first 1-2 months that this guy isn’t right for you! I hate to be blunt, but in less than 6 months you and your ex were practically cohabiting and playing house, but you still had no idea where you stood with him. Is that the kind of man you really wish to settle with? Is that the kind of relationship you truly want?
I know you’re upset, but you need to get real about your dating habits and this unhealthy cycle you’ve been in for the last 5 years. This won’t change until you do. 🙂
Cycles……..This may sound harsh but I mean it with the best intentions.
If you can not conduct a relationship with out involving your child, you need to hold off from dating until your child is grown up or you have sufficient baby sitting arrangements. It takes time to get to know someone and your childs physical and emotional security MUST come first. If people are so effed up emotionally by a string of disappointing relationships……they can not be the strong adults that children need.
I raised my children alone and it was extremely hard and very lonely at times, however, I knew I did not want my children to have a string of pretend step dads.
I truly believe that the two most important pieces of advice we should be giving girls and women are…….. be very careful who you have children with, as this will effect the rest of your life.
and…….Ladies if you want marriage……..do not act like a wife until you are a wife.
Hey Boo,
I totally agree with your stance on exposing your kids to your lovers. My mother was a single parent of two and not once growing up were my brother or I involved in her dating life. The only man we were introduced to formally ended up being her husband and they’re still together 25 years on.
And yesssssss! I believe another reason why so many of us aren’t succeeding in love is this willingness to roll out the red carpet for men we barely know! Why are we inviting these men into our homes and catering for them when we should really be at the stage where we meet for coffee, drinks or dinner dates? So many people want to skip the crucial discovery (dating) phase and try to move into the committed relationship stage, only to find out 3-6 months down the road that they’re attached to yet another EUM or narcissist! Had they taken the time to date properly and get to know that person, this would’ve become glaringly obvious before any decision was made to commit, or feelings start to develop.
We must STOP treating them like husbands until they’ve either earned that privilege, or put a ring on it. I’m guilty of this too, but never again – trust me!
Thanks Natalie. This was timed very well. Having returned to my work city from Christmas, I just had a particularly anxious experience with my current flame (and coworker) that is excellently summed up by your notion of ‘waiting for the other shoe to drop’ while actually having a principally positive experience. Well, that is me right there, at every little junction.
I was extremely hard on myself all night after that experience, barely closed an eye, it was horrible, I was so hard on myself it’s unreal, and I feel like I’ve barely recovered now. I tried to ‘make’ myself happy by forcing something on me that I clearly was not ready for, and I allowed the fear of not being happy and a fear of intimacy to overcome me and get into my head all evening, culminating in the obvious result. And it was all for no good reason. We talked about it, she was full of understanding, also today. The last paragraph of this column I have saved and put on my desktop. It’s something I really needed to read and will read again.
Just happened upon this site, Natalie. Dating is not part of my life, thank God. Don’t think I could endure what these younger women experience. I am trying to figure out when it is time to throw in the proverbial towel in a long-term marriage with a man who starts drinking first thing in the morning. So hard to sort through the myriad of feelings. Perhaps your site with help me focus. I know one thing, I have to stop worrying about him and concentrate on myself.
Would sure love to see the pic of you in arms of Bob Marley. Tina
Nat: you were spot on. After scraping a horrific upbringing I thought I’d be free and happy. Wound up raising my own bro, working my way thru college. Later wound up first supporting my suddenly homeless dad, then caretaking him through 18 years of lifestyle-induced decline. Oops. Breast cancer along the way. Thought after dads passing I’d be free to leave my job and community; oops, dad left beaucoup debts and the tenants in the house I bought for him bailed, leaving the pipes to freeze, more debts to pay off. Life doesn’t run nearly as smoothly as we’d wish; lots of potholes in the road. Always hate on myself for feeling sad; this holiday time was having a pity party; heating system filled house with smoke, dog had a bad abscess, cold and gloomy out, everyone else had company/loved ones and lil Noquay all alone. Punished myself for self pity by hauling an entire ton of wood pellets down the basement in less than an hour. Felt better but my back did not. However, unhappiness is like many things, perhaps a sane reaction to an insane situation. Have a lot of periods of stress, burnout, anger, betrayal, sadness, isolation,loneliness. Given what I’ve faced over the past decade, alone, this is not surprising. We are told in the media that we must always feel happy or there’s something wrong with us. Baloney. Our feelings tell us something; perhaps we need to leave folks, perhaps we need to leave entire situations, perhaps we’re not being treated with the caring and respect we deserve. Sometimes the necessary changes take time and we need to be in and feel the moment even if it’s not making us happy.
Noquay,
I agree with you! I find it so bizarre how we’re expected to project positive, smiley, happy vibes 24/7 – even when we feel anything but, or have been to hell and back. What’s wrong with admitting that we’re not OK sometimes? And why is it frowned upon to be anything other than chipper?
Similar to you, my holidays weren’t full of joy and christmas cheer either. I spent much of it alone, and what little time I did spend with my family, was filled with forced merriment and me trying to deal with challenging characters, e.g. my step father.
“Given what I’ve faced over the past decade, alone, this is not surprising.”
I get that your current state of mind is the result of a lifetime unfortunate events/sickness/bad luck/bad timing, which have taken its toll on you – which is understandable. I think anyone who has been through all the things you have is entitled to feel low on occasion. Even I still have days where I simply can’t deal with people/life and say “f**k it”. I allow myself to have these days (sometimes whole weeks) because I know that it’s better than bottling it up or pretending my problems don’t exist.
The only difference now, I try not to let my depression get the better of me and I reach out to a core selection of friends when I’m struggling to maintain equilibrium. I give myself the time I need to deal with my emotions, then I sort of reach a natural ending where I decide to get out of bed and rejoin society. Easier said than done, I know, but so far it seems to be working for me.
Your daily life seems solitary, and combined with the recent run of bad luck – I’m not surprised you feel unhappy. Isolation, combined with loneliness and depression is like some God-awful trifecta – which I don’t think you should face alone. Do you have any close friends, neighbours or people you can talk to away from BR? I just don’t think one person should have to deal with all of the matters you’ve shared alone. It’s amazing how quickly feelings of unhappiness can escalate into something a lot worse. I sincerely hope that you have some sort of support network in place, or are taking steps to create one.
I say this as someone who is still learning to live with systemic lupus erythematosus, which started in my mid-20’s and completely debilitated me for best part of 2 years. I also say this as someone who has is still learning to cope with severe depression, suicidal thoughts and anxiety disorder, so I would never undermine another person’s struggles.