I am a huge advocate for using the No Contact Rule on men that just seem to have an allergy to breaking up and making a clean break. Even when you don’t have to get medieval on him and cut contact, I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it a million times again, this whole staying in touch and trying to be friends after you’ve broken up is BS – just ask the millions of women out there that are secretly hoping for him to suddenly see them for the great women they are so they can have their fairy tale ending, who actually in effect end up being used for a shag and/or an ego stroke.
But…women, especially Fallback Girls and assclown lovers are obsessed with the big question: Will he try to get in contact with me?
Now like a lot of things in poor relationships, obsessing over the what if’s of this question is a reflection of the female trapping of suffering from Women Who Talk and Think Too Much syndrome and not seeing the wood for the trees.
We focus on the act itself – him getting in touch.
We don’t think about before when he was a dickhead and messing us around.
We don’t think about what happens afterwards and what his actually getting in touch really meant.
In fact, the only thing we think about is what we think a man getting back in touch with us means – He wants me/He wants to get back together with me/He misses me/He regrets his actions
To add insult to injury, Mr Unavailable’s and assclowns are LAZY! They may not even call – they might skip straight to text, instant messenger, or email! If you fall into the trap of actually believing that his actions mean way more than they actually do, you’re so excited about the act of him getting in touch and back into betting on potential mode, that you fail to see the joker and his actions for what they are.
But let’s answer the big question – but will he try to get in contact with you?
It depends on the circumstances but it may not be today, it may not be tomorrow, it may not even be this year, or even until twenty years time, but if he is of the Mr Unavailable and assclown variety and hasn’t seen the error of his ways, his overblown ego, total disconnect, and selfish, using ways, means that he will probably at some point make contact with you.
To be honest, a lot of it depends on YOU. You are in the driving seat of this way more than you realise:
If you had the brass balls to see him for what he is and tell him to get the hell out of your life, he is likely to resist or be hesitant about trying to make a comeback. If he does try, it’s probably for an ego stroke or a shag, or to put himself back in the driving seat…and then disappear.
If you got down on your knees and held on to his feet begging him to stay, he’ll probably get in touch for a shag and an ego stroke. However…if you were really OTT, he’ll probably make you wait a while as he may be ‘nervous’ of your emotions.
If you keep making contact with him or make a big point of reiterating how you don’t want to lose him and how you want to stay in touch, he’ll probably be in touch. However, it’ll still be for a shag and/or ego stroke.
If you’re sort of hanging on the fringes, sending smoke signals that you’re ‘there’, he will make contact as and when he needs you.
If you tell him you don’t give a sh*t about him, if he’s from the egotistical stable, he’s likely to want to prove you wrong.
If you appear to have moved on or seem like you might be getting over him, he’ll probably get back in touch.
If you’ve avoided him for longer than any previous breakup, he’ll probably get in touch because he doesn’t like to be out of control of you being emotionally invested in him.
If he has worked his way through his narcissistic harem of women and hit a blank wall, he’ll probably chance his arm with you.
If the one he left you for dumps his ass, or he finds himself being (heaven forbid) rejected by another woman, he’ll probably try it on with good ‘ole familiar you.
If he catches a clarity glimpse in the mirror and realises that he hasn’t still got the magic, he’ll probably come back to you.
If you give any hint whatsoever that you are still interested in him and for many of you, that will come down to giving him the time of day, when he needs something and you seem like an easy candidate, he will get in touch with you.
But…the fact that it could be anytime between now and infinity is all the more reason why you shouldn’t be sitting at home pining away for him! Don’t wait for him – it may not ever happen.
Yes many of them do get in touch, but many don’t!
Why? Because they have no need for you and they’re getting a shag and an ego stroke elsewhere. If they’ve moved on, you’re the least of their concerns right now. It’s only the most egotistical, pathetic, lying, cheats that like to keep you on ice after they’ve left you and moved on with someone else. Next thing you know, you’re in relegation zone and been demoted from girlfriend, to ex, to the other woman. Don’t take a demotion – ever!
But why do they get in touch with us then?, some of you may ask.
To test to see if the proverbial door is still open. That may mean your legs or your emotions, or a combination of the two.
The only way that men who don’t know how to get the hell out of your life and leave you to move on, know that you are over them, is to be greeted with a closed door...repeatedly.
Eventually, they get bored. It will be very annoying and if you’re not quite over him, a test of your willpower, but they do get the hint eventually, especially if you’ve actually moved on.
Men that don’t want to let you go but also don’t want to give you what you want, are flip flappers. They don’t know their arses from their elbows so they can’t commit to being with you, they can’t commit to not being with you, they’re not sure if they like you, but they’re not sure if they don’t like you, and whatever energy they’ve mustered up to feel something for you, they don’t know why they feel it.
The worst kinds of men like Mr Unavailable’s and assclowns are ego and…often penis driven. The dick knows not why it wants it, just that it wants to get laid in some familiar territory…and then hotfoot it back out of your life the moment that they think you want, need, or expect something from them!
They don’t want you but they don’t want you not to want them.
They like knowing that there is at least one woman out there that is foolish enough to keep taking them back even though they bring less and less to the table each time, and they don’t even muster up the energy to attempt to be sincere anymore!
Remember, if we as women are afraid to be on our own, we have to entertain the very real possibility that there are men out there that also don’t like to be ‘alone’.
What you need to be asking yourself when you’re wondering whether he’ll call and trying to calculate when, is:
Why the frick do you care?
Then ask yourself why you need to concern yourself about whether a man who doesn’t want you and who didn’t treat you right is going to call?
Because remember that from the moment that someone breaks up with you, a major signal needs to be going to your brain that you and this person are not on the same page, and that rather than value you and do everything in their power to make the relationship work, they would rather opt out.
They are out. If you’re still ‘in’, something’s wrong.
You cannot spend your time trying to outthink these guys and pre-empt their moves. For a start, obsessing and thinking about what they may or may not do are signs that you are not moving on, still heavily emotionally invested, and in essence conducting your relationship with him in your imagination.
You know that you are grieving, healing, and moving on when you’re not throwing away your time priming yourself for a possible phonecall, text, or instant message that may or may not happen. Talk about setting yourself up for disappointment! You should be too busy getting on with your life to be on tenterhooks for the joker!
This is not the movies or a fairy tale! I hate to be a parade killer, but having two star crossed lovers that have an obstacle crop up at just the right moment to push them apart, for it to be resolved in 90 minutes just isn’t real life. Men that want you don’t tell you that they don’t want you!
And a man does not have to say ‘I DON’T WANT YOU’ to say ‘I DON’T WANT YOU!’
We make too many excuses for men, we let them off the hook, and we’re hearing but we’re not listening because one way or another, the guy is showing or telling you which way the land really lies, but you just don’t want to see or hear it.
The key to all of this, is what happens after he gets back in contact. Do you live happily ever after? Is he a different man? Does he do everything that you’ve been asking for and continue to do it? Does he put both of his feet into the relationship?
Or does he disappear? Does he text you, you reply, then not return your text? Does he promise you the earth but you end up with a crumb? Is it same sh*t, different week?
You know what the contact meant by what happened afterwards. It’s not the contact, it’s what he does with it and what happens afterwards that counts. I suspect if you’re a Baggage Reclaim reader, it didn’t work out too well…
So, instead of asking, will he try to get in touch with me? Ask yourself ‘Is the door going to be open for you to receive his contact?’