Some people just aren’t ready for you or what a relationship entails. I’m not talking about some wishy-washy affair or one where it’s imbalanced due to one party sacrificing themselves to maintain the status quo. No, I’m talking about a mutual, copiloted partnership. Not perfection, not questioning the hell out of each other or yourselves, not lather, rinse, repeat cycle of chaos, but instead coming together because you know who you are and that you can survive and thrive on your own and that together, you enhance what’s already there and have a great time together, as well as dealing with not so smooth times instead of being divided by them.
Some people just aren’t ready for you or what a relationship entails. No amount of ‘pleasing’, twisting, morphing, blending, nor discussing to the nth degree, begging, pleading, cajoling, negotiating, and even guilting, is going to change that. That’s not a relationship; that’s a battle.
If you’ll give a ‘discount’ or remove what may be perceived as the cumbersome ‘options’ such as being truly intimate and committed, or just having basic care, trust, and respect, that person who you’re effectively ‘battling with’, will be ‘in’, as in, ‘in’ as long as they have the option to be half out and to do things on their terms. If you’ll discount your boundaries, needs, feelings etc, they’ll be OK with that because they’ll get to remain in their comfort zone. If you’re willing to do a little or a lot of the effort, great, and if you’ll pump them up, even better. You end up giving away so much of you that you may feel compelled to fight solely on the basis that if you were to ‘win’, you could restore your sense of self. Instead, you are likely to end up losing even more because in getting sidetracked, the battle takes you further away from who you are but also takes you further away from the very things that you may profess to want. So many people tell me that they want mutual love, care, trust, and respect along with stability and a sense of direction and yet, they’re in chaos due to fighting a prolonged and sustained battle that if only their ego wasn’t so heavily involved, they would have stepped away long before.
What are you fighting for? It may seem as if you’re fighting for love or for the relationship, but should a relationship be a battle? Where do you draw the line? It ends up being a battle for power and supremacy of terms because it really becomes about fighting and competing, which becomes about winning and losing, and ultimately this doesn’t leave room for a mutually fulfilling copiloted relationship.
When we mistake battling for loving, what we don’t always admit is that aside from wanting to win back some credibility with ourselves, that we also continue because we’re driven to want to control the uncontrollable–we want to be in control of the outcome and we mistake the outcome as ‘being able to control the other party’, when actually we can change the outcome by changing our path and changing the definition of that outcome. Our participation in this battle can be used as a turning point that jolts us into addressing our relationship with us and our love habits.
Are you wanting to engage in a sustained and prolonged fight, or do you want to love and be loved? Choose wisely and act accordingly.