The Blame Trap Only Ends Up Helping Shady People

When we’re in unhealthy and unfulfilling relationships, we often blame others, and then ourselves, for the other person’s behaviour. For instance, we claim that our romantic partner ex(es) ‘obviously’ didn’t love them right or give the right support or sex them...

Feeling Not Good Enough and Angry: How Envy Reveals Our Self-Limiting Rules

Have you ever created tension or conflict to divert internal attention from feelings of envy? It results from feeling deflated due to comparison— estimating yourself against others. Examples of envy:  Feeling angry with yourself for not being happy for a friend....

‘Why am I with an emotionally unavailable person?’ Identify who you’re competing with

While some people openly admit to being competitive, I’ve often found that many people who are, don’t see themselves in that way. Because they’re perfectionists, people pleasers and often prone to comparison, self-criticism and highlighting how...
Why Be The Other Woman (or The Other Man)?

Why Be The Other Woman (or The Other Man)?

Every single day, somebody, somewhere, tells me about their involvement in an affair (or how they’ve just got out of one and hope to stay out of it), and they all want to know: How (and why) the hell did I get myself into this mess? It’s why I say that...
Advice Wednesday: Should I warn other newcomers about his behaviour?

Advice Wednesday: Should I warn other newcomers about his behaviour?

Many many moons ago, my seventeen-year-old self had a guy that she thought was a friend do a very bad thing to her. I wondered if it was because my friend and I had affectionately or so I’d thought, made a joke about him, and for the next year, I slid into pain...