Have you ever created tension or conflict to divert internal attention from feelings of envy? It results from feeling deflated due to comparison— estimating yourself against others.
Examples of envy:
On some level, you recognise that you’re similar [to who you’re comparing to], so you wonder why they have what you want and you don’t. It’s not fair! What’s wrong with me? They’re showing me up!
Or, even if you don’t admit it, you feel as if you’ve been and done more so ipso facto, you should be first. This mentality taps into competing, so feeling as if you need to or should have beat this person [at whatever you’re feeling envious about] to establish superiority.
It reminds you that you’re not in control of everything and that the conditions you’ve determined for certain things are not factually correct or universal. All humans do this to a degree. We work out what we think we need to be and do in order to be okay or to get what we want (these are our ‘rules’), comply, and then feel shortchanged when someone else’s route and result differs.
It’s human to experience envy; it doesn’t make you a ‘bad’ or ‘faulty’ person. Like any emotion, it’s a notification that gives you a sense of what you need and what may or may not be going on externally.
Envy, ultimately, is a call to stretch yourself and break your ‘rules’. What have you said you have to be and do? Which beliefs are [the person you’re envious of] showing you are not accurate? What have you said you can’t be or do that this person’s contradicting?
Be more honest with yourself, not just about what you need or want but what next steps you need to take. It’s better than using comparison to make yourself feel less-than or even to end relationships. Check out this episode of The Baggage Reclaim Sessions on envy.
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