I’ve had several emails recently asking my opinion about some very obvious celebrity relationships and individuals that reek of emotional unavailability and I realised that there are many things that we can learn from these very public displays.
I could choose the obvious one and go straight for Sienna Miller and Balthazar Getty, but we’ll save that for tomorrow, because if ever there was a more obvious Mr Unavailable, other than the fictional Mr Big (and you all know how I feel about that), then John Mayer is the current king of Mr Unavailables. Whiffing so much of danger, women everywhere should be taking his very public, assclown behaviour like the police equivalent of a APB.
The main thing to learn from John Mayer is that when it walks like duck, quacks like a duck, looks like a duck, and comes with a whole load of evidential history behind it that says it’s a duck, that’s because it is. Like every Mr Unavailable and Fallback Girl relationship, do not make a rod for your own back by deciding that you are going to be the one he’ll be different with and try and get him to change. The evidence and his behaviour are signs that are trying to help you! He’s a rolling stone, gathering no moss, and avoiding any sense of permanency. If Jennifer Aniston thought she was getting marriage and a baby out of him, she must be on crack, but I suspect that on some level she knew it was doomed….Let’s take a look at why he’s a Mr Unavailable:
1) The guy has publicly had more ass than a toilet seat. I know that the press make a big ordeal out of just about everything, but John Mayer is on one big permanent date. Who knows how much he is shagging around, but he’s certainly dating around, a lot, and likes to attach himself to trophy women. He gets off on the attention.
2) He’s always being connected with another woman when he’s supposed to be with someone else. There tends to be photos and while we could give some leeway and say a few of them are publicity hunters, coupled with his distinct pattern of behaviour, I smell an assclown.
3) He’s like the ambulance chaser of failed relationships. What’s the common thread between Jessica Simpson, Cameron Diaz, and Jennifer Aniston, amongst his many other conquests? They have all had huge public break-ups, where their guy appears to have been the one to prosper in a happier relationship, and they all have their own healing and emotional unavailable issues to deal with. On the flipside, John Mayer may appear to them, to be just the guy to give them a pick-me-up or divert the attention to themselves. It’s the Hollywood equivalent of when us mere mortals with smaller bank accounts hope that we show off our latest boyfriend to our ex just so that we can prove we’ve moved on and done better. Don’t go there!
4) This makes him very hot out the gate and hot in pursuit, but he is rather cocky (there’s a photo of him with Jennifer Aniston with a distinct smirk) but his pattern of behaviour is that while he may chase them because he thinks that they’re just as emotionally unavailable as he is, he starts edging back and making a run for it when he gets the idea that they expect, want, or need anything from him. Admittedly, press speculation about £3m weddings and all that jazz could be enough to make some guys balls shrivel up, but the trouble with John is that there would always be a reason to break up. This time, maybe it is the marriage thing, other times it might be the fact they want him to commit some proper relationship time and energy instead of him treating them like a groupie. Whatever it is, it’s too much for him.
5) He’s a man of contradiction. Aside from chasing and then withdrawing, saying how happy he is, but creating situations where he’s likely to be accused of playing away, it’s his recent statement that shows that aside from being a Mr Unavailable, he is a grade A assclown. Let me decipher it for you along the way…
“She’s one of the most lovely people I’ve ever met in my life and I’m going through something that’s a very personal thing and you have to give that up. You have to give everything up because you can’t have it all and it sucks.”
First of all John, you didn’t ‘meet’ Jennifer Aniston, you dated her, likely had sex with her, and seemingly had a relationship, but like a true Mr Unavailable, in one fell swoop, you’ve managed to marginalise your relationship with her to the equivalent of some brief encounter with the woman who cleaned your hotel room. It’s not “something that’s a very personal thing” because if it was, you wouldn’t be talking complete contradictory BS in the street to a reporter!
All this giving up crap and bleating about how sucky things are reeks of the Poor Pathetic Me Whine (PPMW) – You’re behaving like an assclown but you pitch yourself as the distraught party. Don’t try to make out like you’re having a hard time; you’re not. You’re doing what you do best and have done time and time before, only this time you’ve decided to humiliate your ex while you’re at it.
And “most lovely”? That’s so no non-descript, he could be talking about anyone. It’s a bit like when women say that a guy is “so nice”….
“I’m sorry that the story’s not interesting but it’s about time that somebody stands up for that girl and I think she’s great.”
So impersonal and so patronising. By suggesting that someone stands up for her, it’s like he’s suggesting that she’s given a hard time or normally pitied. What was she? A mercy date? A last whirl around town with a toy boy before she gets relegated to the dark zone? But already, in the disconnected world of Mr Unavailable, she’s “that girl”. Isn’t that rather cold and impersonal? This seems very contrived and calculating and something says that his ego has had a massive stroking from all of the attention. In fact, like a lot of Mr Unavailables, I suspect that he gets off on the idea of snaring “that girl” and claiming he ended it too.
He also said that the end of their relationship is “the most normal thing in the world “There’s no lying, there’s no cheating. There’s no nothing.”
Translated this means, there have been lies but he doesn’t see them as lies. There has been accusations of cheating, but he doesn’t see his actions as cheating, and he’s also saying that he’s broken up for no reason. Classic Mr Unavailable. And of course it’s the most normal thing in the world for him; it’s all he knows.
“People are different, they have different chemistry, they have different lives,” he said. “It’s not about years, it’s about going out with somebody, being truthful on the way in, being truthful in the middle and being truthful on the way out.”
Unfortunately when you are a habitual Mr Unavailable, you become very disconnected from the truth because you see yourself as Mr Wonderful when you should see yourself as Mr Avoid Like the Plague. This is one of those flaky, wishy-washy lines designed to put smoke and mirrors in front of the reality, but in truth, this is no different to when Mr Unavailables say “It’s not you; it’s me” or “If only things were different” or “If only I was in the right place right now” or some other crap that creates an intangible, wishy-washy excuse for them to hide behind.
He doesn’t understand ‘truthful’ because in reality, he knows that he has a pattern of not being able to sustain a relationship, and he knows what his limits are and how much he wants. The fact that the women he gets involved with should know this is another post…
When asked if he was dating someone else, he said “Why are you asking me that question? I’m being as honest as I can possibly can be. I ended a relationship because there is no lying. I ended a relationship to be alone because I don’t want to waste somebody’s time if something’s not right. I don’t waste people’s time.”
Oh dear… With Mr Unavailables, they care as much as they are capable of caring, which is not very much and note that he doesn’t say, I am being completely truthful and instead goes with “as honest as I can possibly be”. Of course, if you struggle to be honest, your capabilities aren’t all that good! And hidden in his silly witterings is the real reason: he wants to be alone. John Mayer wants to play, not make house and make babies! He’s a playa, and an obvious one at that so he’s not even on the down low!
“I don’t do ‘the taper,'” he continued. “I guarantee you [that] 20 percent of the people on this street right now who are in a relationship wish they could get out but they don’t know how. And I’m going to be honest on the way in to my relationships and I’m going to be honest on the way out of my relationships.”
And John Mayer was someone who was in a relationship that he wished he could get out of, and he knew how, because he’d been down this road before.
“I just feel like spending a million dollars right now to put a mirror in every Us Weekly so that when you’re reading about it, you go, ‘Oh, that was me two years ago’ or ‘That was me a year ago,'” he said.
“You’re either a cheater or you breakup,” he explained. “And I’m not the first. I’m the second one. And that’s it. There’s no lying, there’s no b-llsh-t, I just don’t want to be followed around New York City like an animal.”
John Mayer suffers with Those Who Doth Protest Too Much Syndrome – when you keep over emphasising a point and claiming that you are or aren’t something…repeatedly. Like when a guy keeps telling you he’s nice when really, he’s an assclown. He thinks a lot of people can relate to him and actually, he’s probably right, but there are a lot of emotionally unavailable people out there, and on the Mr Unavailable front, the number of men out there with large ego’s and delusions of grandeur are ten a penny.
In reality, you could cheat, you could break up, and if he actually ever got to a more developed emotional state, he could actually discover that relationships don’t just happen, they take work and some people don’t get to cheating or breaking up because they are too busing growing and maintaining their relationships. But for him to discover this other option would mean he’d discover that he needs to deal with his issues of being an emotionally unavailable man-child.
And here are 3 other big signs that you’ve met a John Mayer:
1) He’s irresponsible. However old he is, he’s like a Recycled Teenager, living his life like he’s still a teen with a resistance to any permanency. When you really get on his case, he may accuse you of being a nag. You may even feel like his mum at times…
2) The world and its dog is telling you he’s a die-hard bachelor who isn’t going to change. They’ve seen it all before and if it’s his nearest and dearest who are telling you this, it’s because they’re trying to give you a heads up so you can bail or at least make an informed decision about whether you want to be with him.
3) He has a Narcissistic Harem. Habitual Mr Unavailables, especially the extra fickle, playa, permanent man-boy variety have a steady stream of female attention from a variety of sources. It means he doesn’t forge a real connection with anyone, but it also means you may have several women vying for your spot and ‘rumours’ floating around.
Quote Source: US Magazine
Picture source: Wikipedia