Part of life unless you are in the minuscule few that meet a guy in your teens and go on to live happy ever after with very few problems, is that we have to travel the road of dating and relationship bumps and get a few knocks and scars along the way. For some it will be grazes, scratches, for others some gashes and for the unfortunate, some rather large gaping wounds. Hopefully most will heal, but there is often some sort of scar. Unfortunately in order for us to share ourselves; for us to expend any emotion on someone of a positive nature means that we take a risk, and sometimes we really do get burnt.

I all too often come across people who have been badly burnt by a relationship experience and it can change their attitude, their outlook forever. It colours every interaction that they have and they aren’t fully there when they’re involved with someone because they hold themselves back for self protection.

Ladies, no man is worth the emotional drain of deciding to shut yourself off from the opportunity to be loved and to love. It’s a killer and it hurts like a mofo, but when we’ve recovered from the hurt, we need to get back up, dust ourselves off and get back in the saddle. Not the same saddle if you’re always going with the same guys (avoid Toxic Types), but nonetheless start over. Get a new saddle and hop on. Never give anyone that type of power where they steal your ability to feel or trust, because it’s more than they deserve.

Sometimes we shut off subconsciously (I did it) and sometimes it’s a conscious calculated decision to never trust and love again because of an experience. Do whatever it is you need to do to address the hurt, get some closure on it, park it, put it in the past and move on because as long as someone else has had that effect on us, there is a part of us that is shut off, held in the past and not getting the chance to grow.

It’s hard to avoid the pitfalls of heartbreak that make us want to chuck in the towel, but I think that if we give up trying, we give up on ourselves. The more we care about ourselves and work harder at making better choices that reflect the validation that we have given ourselves, is the closer we get to better relationships. Of course happiness isn’t guaranteed as unfortunately not only do relationships require hard work, there is the old adage ‘Sh*t happens’. Yes we may get hurt again, but more often than not we can survive that.

This post  was dedicated to a special lady out there who is feeling more than a little bruised by the rigours of love.

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