Happy New Year! I hope that whatever you’ve been doing over the last week or so, that you’ve been able to be kind to you and that if you haven’t, that you’re resolving to invest in you in 2016 and beyond.
I’ve enjoyed a couple of weeks of downtime and it’s been just what I needed because I was exhausted. We had a few days of being out every evening (I’m not cut out for partying several nights in a row anymore!) and then we declared ourselves in rest mode. For once, our Christmas shopping was finished early and the gifts were wrapped days before because we were going away and we got to hang out with my brothers before we headed off to Cornwall (south-west England) for a break in the countryside. Idea was to be drama-free but there was a bit of it on Christmas Day when my mama decided to try and tell me all about myself on a call– all I could do was step away by ending the call and remembering, “That’s not mine, it’s hers and I’m sending it right back”. I’ve taken the decision to just leave things be. It’s the whole accepting the things you cannot control. You can love people… from a distance, and with healthy boundaries. Aside from that blip (which incidentally would have impacted me far more deeply in the past), I had a great time going on walks with the kids, playing Uno, reading, sleeping my head off, and exploring Cornwall. If you go, the Eden Project is a must!
Here’s what I cover in episode 17:
My review of 2015: I went through my fair share of challenges last year and in fact, I started the year in a very painful space that gradually yielded to become very healing. I take you through my year and what I learned along the way plus I share my key takeaways including how I’ve learned to mother myself a bit more and to ask for help.
New Year’s Resolutions: I talk about why we find them tricky to stick to and how we put unnecessary pressure on ourselves, plus I share some tips for making resolutions have a better chance of sticking, regardless of what time of year it is.
In the final part of the show, I share some guidance for entering into 2016 from a place of love, care, trust and respect. Compassion matters.
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Nat xxx
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Happy new year, Nat! I’m grateful every single day for what I’ve learned from you.
This Christmas felt like groundhog day for me, with loneliness, resentment and self-pity returning. But it wasn’t groundhog day because I learned something. Firstly, I didn’t respond to it by saying ‘this time next year I must have a partner’ as though it would solve everything. I realise it just needs some acceptance that this is an annual derailment, and gratitude for all the honest, caring conversations I’ve had with people around me, many of whom feel the same even though they’re in healthy relationships. And talking of honesty and care, I’ve also learned more about boundaries. That it’s not just about the more obvious ways they’re crossed, like people being overly demanding or controlling, saying things out of line, getting into your business and so on. It’s also when people don’t treat you with love and truthfulness, when they’re absent. It seems obvious when I write it now, but seeing these issues more precisely as a boundary crossing makes it easier to find the answers, to know that it’s not acceptable, and why it’s then ok to manage my experience of this behaviour instead of getting into the justifying zone as I did before without realising. That’s a big lesson!
So I go into the new year optimistic and back in my groove, and I don’t do new year’s resolutions! Thank you x
Happy New Year to you and your family. I just recently stumbled on your website and I have read through two of your eBooks already (Mr. Unavailable, No Contact). It has helped me so much during the holidays and I can’t wait to get back to my therapist and work through everything that has happened and all the new thoughts that I have collected so far. I hope that I will get better soon and that all your kind words and advices that I have read will show that it’s possible. All the best to you and thank you for the hard work you put in this.
I laughed when you said “saying ‘EASIER SAID THAN DONE’” is the only thing that is easier said than done.
About NOT getting drawn into drama – Whenever we feel that we must reiterate to boundary busters that they need to respect our boundaries, we need to stop ourselves. Or get honest with ourselves. We can only get drawn in because we WANT to be drawn in. I was slightly unsettled by a NYE missive from ACMM…caught me by surprise, we have not crossed paths in 14 months…and it was a sexual “my sex parts miss your sex parts” kind of a note…with pictures. I chose to continue ignoring his existence. And I realized once again that he does not care about my well-being. For all he knows, I could be happily coupled, or discovered I was gay, or I could be terribly ill…who knows..??…he doesn’t, AND there is no care in his missive. This Emperor REALLY has no clothes.
In this year of being unemployed I did a lot of decluttering. I’ve written my thoughts my whole life, and I found 3 notebooks of old journaling. So much angst……over men I don’t even remember! Lots of wishing for love, crying over lost love, hoping someone would return my affection. Years of such writings. I’ve sent it all to the shredder, except for those writings that started around 2012. That is the year I stumbled on Natalie’s blog. I relate to the woman who wrote that she sometimes gets angry at Natalie’s BR posts…I get that, because there were times that Natalies’ truths were so painful that I had to walk away from my screen and stop reading. Spiritual growth is painful. It’s like when you do those new exercises that use muscles you’ve never exercised before. But man oh man, I certainly like the way growth looks on me.
I made a decision that, for now, in my life, I use my journaling for daily positive thoughts and affirmations only. I had a couple of down days, but I wrote out my positive mantras anyway. And it worked. I know there is power in the written word, there is power in the words we speak to our selves, there is power in writing down how you want your life to be.
Natalie, thank you for your blog, because your writings started my journey where I began asking myself about the lather/rinse/repeat cycle I’d been living.
Thanks Nat! And happy new year.You are heaven sent to me.I have struggled with boundaries all the rest of my year till I stumbled Natalie’s blog and since then things are were never the same again.I will not allow me to be a door mat again.I will not keep quiet and act all nice even when I feel my boundaries have been stepped on again. I will always say No to whatever I feel I don’t want something.God bless
Nat–
This was a great podcast! You are doing so well with podcasting–I really enjoy hearing you speak spontaneously like this! Also- loved your year in review! Applaude your decision to have Christmas with just your nuclear family and skip ext family drama! (Plus uber jealous about Cornwall!).
Thanks again for all that you do–I owe so much of my sanity and happiness to things you have taught! Cheers~