Sex is a contentious issue. People measure all sorts of things by how little or how much sex they are having and everyone puts different levels of thoughts into sex. Many people can have sex without giving it and the potential consequences a second thought. Many others spend a lot of time agonising over the ‘should they or shouldn’t they’ scenario and for others, they hold onto their virginity until marriage or until they think they have found a deserving recipient. Right now, there are probably hundreds of thousands, if not millions of people wondering whether the person they slept with for the first time last night will call. It’s clear that most of us are thinking about sex to greater and lesser degrees, which begs the question: Should we have sex before we know what we’re getting from the relationship?
If a relationship is what you would like or are expecting from the person, you need to give due thought to the sex issue. If you have sex too soon, you’ll place yourself in the Justifying Zone – that place that women go to when they have sex too soon and then have to justify the sex by sticking with the guy despite his apparent faults because it deems her actions worthwhile. There is also the Orgasm Zone – the other place that women go to when a man makes them cum and they suddenly place their life in his hands because they’re thinking with their libido.
It is question of priorities: Are you looking to get laid or are you looking to meet someone that has the potential to lead to a long term relationship?
Ultimately, why close the door, after the horse has bolted?
Imagine sleeping with a guy and then discovering afterwards that he only wants you for sex. To be fair, you could probably have found out this little nugget of information without ever having to spread your legs unless he is one of these creeps that feigns serious interest in the name of getting your knickers down.
Deep down we know if a person is genuinely interested and it feels good for all of the right reasons, yet women often have sex when they already either have a nagging suspicion that all is not well in the garden of dating or they think that having sex will push things to the next level.
Sex does not a relationship make and for a lot of people, they tend to have better sex when they know the person more in depth before exchanging bodily fluids.
If a relationship is what you’re looking for, don’t have sex first and discuss later. You don’t need to be heavy handed and start demanding a five year plan but either ask him or use a combination of judgement skills and gut to gauge what direction you are headed in. For example, if you’re thinking about wanting to have a relationship with him despite him being unable to call when he says he will and blowing hot and cold, why bother to have sex? What do you think you will achieve?
If the relationship is headed in the right direction, there generally shouldn’t be the anxiety over what direction the relationship is headed. There are of course, no guarantees and things can change further down the line, but you will often save yourself a lot of aggravation if you spend more time talking and getting to know, rather than getting straight into the physical. Good relationships, good prospects with potential for good relationships, do wait for sex, hence so can you.
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What if you want sex (because you haven’t had any in a while) and possibly a relationship? What if you know the guy is not relationship material? But – you quicly get intimate and then he starts acting like he wants a relationship? And you have a great time with him and are totally attracted to him? BUT he says he wants a relationship and he loves you – but he doesn’t act that way. This is the quagmire I landed myself into recently. At the end of the day – I can tell by his actions (not his words) he’s not that into me – and it could be because I gave it up to soon. But then again – if I hadn’t gotten initmate with him right away – I probably wouldn’t have seen him again because he’s just not what I was looking for. I’m not explaining this very well – but it’s sort of a catch-22.
Might want to find out if there is someone else that is keeping him from becoming totally into you. If not, my suggestion would be to let him do the pursuing and if he doesn’t then move on. There are so many more fish in the sea that you can’t keep trying to get this one to swim upriver. Don’t beat yourself up about having had sex, you can’t take it back now.
Ashley, don’t worry to much about it. Guys will do whatever they feel like doing. You could follow the 3 date or the 1 month rule and still be dumped. The question is “did you want to”. If yes then good for you. Embrace your sexuality and learn from what you felt. The worse thing you can do is feel guilty. As long as you are safe and not promiscuous then savor the pleasure.
I meet a guy online almost two years ago and the first time we meet in person we had sex. Why? Because I wanted to. It had been awhile and I wanted enjoy myself. I didn’t care if he called again or not. And guess what. On his way home he called. Not even 24 hours. He wanted a relationship……..I didn’t. I was just getting back into the dating game after a long break.
The sex DID NOT cloud my judgment. I am a mature women who with a healthy sexual attitude. An it’s the self confidence that men are drawn too. If you have sex and then whine because nothing more came of it then you will have problems.
So I salute you for going after what you want. Society dictates the double standard and that is why we women are so messed up. Whatever you do…….DO IT FOR YOU. Love yourself and make a promise to yourself to be happy.