Many of us who’ve been involved with emotionally unavailable people don’t realise that we’ve been waiting for the ‘perfect time’, the perfect set of conditions, to have the relationship we want. It’s a twisted form of perfectionism that says that we have to overcompensate for what we think isn’t ‘enough’ by settling for less or we need to prove ourselves so that we become worthy of finally being in the loving relationship we desire and deserve. 

There is no perfect time to have the loving relationship you desire. You don’t need to be perfect because, well, no one else on the planet is. They’re not! If you’ve defined yourself on your background, experiences, mistakes, appearance, or whatever else you’re hard on yourself about, it’s okay to stop. 

Those same things you judge and hold yourself back for aren’t something that others with those same factors use to determine their worthiness for a loving relationship. 

You don’t need to find or be the Perfect Person, and you don’t need to find the perfect relationship. Instead, it’s about connecting with someone with whom you can co-create a mutually fulfilling relationship. You need to find and be in the relationship that reflects your values and who you are and want to be. 

If anything, be the thing that you seek because the relationship you desire starts long before that person and the relationship shows up. If you can start to cultivate a more loving relationship with yourself now, then you are truly being open to the relationship that you want because you’re already creating it with you. 

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