I was chatting to a male friend the other day and he stated that the reason so many of us beautiful, successful, intelligent women are single are because we are too picky. “Most of you ladies nowadays have lists and you say you know what you want and then start to measure every guy against your list. What you find alot of the time is that no one person hits everything on your list. Maybe they make like 50% or 70% but it is rare that one person will hit the mark completely. Now I’m not saying settle by any means. There is a certain amount of compatibility that two people must have in order for a long term relationship to work. But, just don’t be too hard on us men.”
Say what??
Ok Mr. Hot Stuff, allow me to tell you something. The reason that most of us are single is not that we are picky, it’s because we are highly selective. Don’t knock our lists because there isn’t anything superficial on there. The thing about it is, I feel that I meet every single aspect on the list, and so much more. So why should I settle for…say a guy that can’t even type a coherent thought together? Or someone that has to swear 7 times in a 10 word sentence? Or a person that is incapable of taking care of themselves? Or someone who smokes, has violent tendencies or is involved in illegal business ventures?
The Master list has 44 points, things that I have realised that I cannot compromise on, character traits that are very very important to me. Nothing on the list is unattainable, most of the components are things that most decent men should have.
50-70% is actually a low grade for me. I feel that to actually consider someone worth marrying, they should make about 90% on the real list. I have met several men who make a cut on the list…it’s not that it’s an impossibility. There are no superficial elements like height/weight/race on the list because I feel that those are not as essential as a person’s character, intelligence and morality.
Knowing what I want isn’t the reason I’m single. Not finding what I want is.
Vixen is deputy editor of Baggage Reclaim. Visit her blog.
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so true! “Knowing what I want isn’t the reason I’m single. Not finding what I want is.” I’d like to find a genuinely decent man 40+ who is not looking for casual sex but says he’s “looking for long-term”, one who is not abusive, hates women because of all his ex’s, so self-centered and set in his ways after 40, is not a workaholic looking for someone to slow him down so HE CAN HAVE FUN, one who is EMOTIONALLY STABLE, a man who actually knows how to “be a friend” to a woman, yeah, the list is enormously long and not like all the internet articles say that we are to picky but it is because “i am not finding what I am looking for”; normal I guess:)