The term ‘assclown’ is one I’ve been using for a few years and when its come to describing my exes, it fits them all like a beautiful, big, enveloping glove. I have since used it as a blanket term for inappropriate men but I’m going to explain the term a bit more and there is a reason: in my experience of writing about dating and relationships and reading the thousands of emails from women who want me to decipher their situation, we love to believe that our guy is different.
You only have to look at the number of women with emotionally unavailable men (Mr Unavailables) and the quintessential cheater with a wife or a girlfriend in the background to know that there is a hell of a lot of hoping going on out there.
An assclown is any guy that mistreats you and often eventually proves to be a waste of time and space. He adds little or no value to the relationship and the cost to you of being with him is often your self-esteem, your well-being, and for some, your career, family, or friends. They only have one foot or possibly even a toe in the relationship and they knowingly (even if they deny it) mess you around and enjoy the fringe benefits of being with you (ego stroking, sex, and a reliable shoulder to lean on) even though they don’t actually want you, or have no intentions of ever giving you the relationship that you want.
There are two categories of assclown; the Out and Proud and the Unknowing.
Out and Proud Assclowns make no bones about being poor relationship candidates. These are what most women understand to be Bad Boys and when they tell you know about themselves, it’s a warning giving you the opportunity to run in the opposite direction. But assclowns who know they are assclowns and are even proud of it, are very skilled at getting women.
Unknowing Assclowns are in some respects your more dangerous variety. They’re not actually ‘unknowing’ they’re either immensely egotistical and disconnected from the effect of their actions, or they’re sociopaths that don’t know right from wrong. It’s very difficult to explain to one of these men why their behaviour is inappropriate and he is likely to see himself as a ‘great catch’.
Now however you end up drawing the conclusion that you’re with an assclown, you need to recognise that poor relationship behaviour is poor relationship behaviour.
There’s no such thing as a quarter assclown or a half one, and even if he’s nice to the sweet old lady that lives next door, if he’s behaving like an assclown to you, that’s all that matters. They don’t have a sudden change of behaviour and decide to play nice which means that if you want to be in a decent relationship and feel loved, respected, and able to trust, why on earth of you with him?