Asking for or just straight up needing help and support doesn’t make us weak; it makes us human.
Always being the giver or everything having to be transactional where we see people as a means to an end or feel as if we have to earn support first or pay it back is a block to intimacy. What does always being the Strong One (or certainly the one that does the supporting) say about the vulnerability in our relationships? Who does everyone else have to be to facilitate our role? Takers? Victims? Weak? Needy?
And, yes, it is more than OK to ask for support, especially if you’re inclined to typically be the Strong One because people might not know the extent of your struggle behind the mask. Your perpetual strength and busyness might obscure their view. Asking doesn’t make you ‘needy’, but it also doesn’t mean they’re a bad partner, friend or family member for not instinctively knowing.
I hold my hands up. I know that I [insert a couple of habits that briefly encapsulate you being ‘strong’], but right now, I need you to [insert what you need].
I’m struggling right now. While I don’t necessarily need you to specifically do something, your understanding this and allowing me not to be my ‘usual self’ would be so helpful right now.
I just don’t have the bandwidth. Can you ________?
I’m sorry I’ve given the impression that I’m handling everything. I’m really not, and I’d love it if you could help with _______.
When you ask for or show that you need support, you humanise you, but you also let others in and express your boundaries and bandwidth. Instead of fearing dependence, you get to enjoy the mutual reliance of interdependence. As a result, you and your relationships will prosper.
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