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Get out of your comfort zone and get uncomfortable

Remember that being a Drama Seeker is comfortable which means that if you genuinely want to have positive change in your life, you are going to have to get uncomfortable. People prefer being in their comfort zone even when they’re struggling and very unhappy because it is what they know. This is why, when we break it off with an assclown and decide to start the No Contact Rule, we can often end up falling off the wagon because we hate the unknown and the insecurity of not being surrounded by a heap of drama. Accept that it’s not going to be easy, it is uncomfortable, but that you are about to learn to love you more than you love drama or some dodgy assclown.

You have to drum it into yourself that sometimes you are going to have to feel some short term pain for some medium and long term gain.

Break-ups hurt, not necessarily because it’s a signal that you’re destined to be together forever in Care Bears Land but because it’s a break up!

Something broke and it hurts but that doesn’t make it right to go back! Some of us are conditioned to think that if we love someone and the relationship is right, the break-up will hurt. Break-ups hurt because something bad happened, your feelings are hurt, you’re vulnerable, you’re insecure, you’re feeling low, and we are sometimes heavily emotionally invested and dependent in inappropriate relationships! But the pain of breaking up does pass…if you make a concerted effort to pick up the pieces, get on with your life, and move forward.

The No Contact Rule is not about sitting around wondering about when and if he will make contact!What’s the frickin point in doing that???? Might as well you are with him if you spend every waking moment trying to work out his next move. The No Contact Rule is about cutting contact, removing his options, taking control of the situation, and empowering yourself to move on without their ego stroking, fickle, idiotic behaviour to weigh you down.

Remember that 99.9999% of the time, when these men make contact with you, they have nothing more to bring to the table, they just wanted to make sure that you are still foolish enough to be emotionally invested in them.

Every reaction to them is a sign of weakness! If you allow yourself to be drawn into his crap, it is drama seeking!

Cut contact, do everything you to do to make it difficult for him to make contact, but most importantly, get on with your life because the power and the self-confidence kicks in when you realise that 1) time is passing, 2) you are in charge, 3) it actually doesn’t feel as bad as you thought it would, 4) you’re starting to forget that the mofo exists, and 5) you feel so good that you see him for what he is and YOU don’t want him anymore.

You have to stop reacting.

You have a choice. You are not helpless and you need to jump in the hot seat and take charge. The more you do this, the more your self-confidence builds and as you see positive results and realise that you aren’t miserable and embroiled in drama, the more your self-esteem builds. Drama Seekers indulge in drama creating and seeking because it’s all a self-fulfilling prophecy and lets them remain as they are. It removes responsibility and accountability but you can now make the choice between reacting and stepping back.

Cut back on your giving quota

Yeah, you heard me. So many of the women that I come across on this blog are Over Givers – pouring out just about everything and anything to everyone else in the hope that they will be rewarded with all of these people giving to them. Then they find themselves miserable and empty. People take advantage of those that do not know how to give. I am not asking you to turn into Scrooge but giving to people doesn’t feel bad and there is no need to hurl yourself on the alter as a sacrificial lamb for your friends, family, and boyfriends.

Learn how to say ‘NO’

Many of you are afraid of saying no in case there are repercussions and you find yourself alone or unloved. So instead you run around saying yes to everything and hating yourself and resenting them. If you are a YES Girl, you’d better start putting NO in your vocabulary. It’s as simple as, for every three things you say yes to, say no to one thing. Most of the time, people who are afraid of saying NO actually have no idea how people will react because they never had a chance to find out. Don’t second guess people – learn how to say no and have people earn your generosity. You will also find that when you start saying no, people will be forced to adjust how they behave around you, or get lost. If a person can only be around you if they are getting things from you, why are you there? If you don’t learn how to give to yourself and pour out to everyone else, people expect this as the bare basics of the relationship they have with you and expect.

If you don’t give to you, who will?

Your thoughts?


If you are a Drama Seeker, you should be reading my ebook Mr Unavailable and the Fallback Girl. Find out more and buy and download.

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