In this week’s episode of The Baggage Reclaim Sessions, I talk about the three vulnerability habits we all need to build on: admitting what we don’t know, admitting when we’ve made a mistake, and admitting when we’re in the wrong. These habits strengthen character, create healthy boundaries and help us recognise issues within our interpersonal relationships.
5 key topics in this episode
- So many of us still have a misconception born in our childhood that we’re supposed to know ‘everything’ when we have a job. This is especially so when we think it’s important or it, for instance, involves managing others. As a result, we fear admitting that we don’t know something because we think others will believe that we shouldn’t have the job in the first place.
- When we treat stories we tell ourselves as facts, we match our behaviour to reflect these. But we might be way off-base as well as torturing ourselves unnecessarily.
- There’s such a thing as when you find yourself in a hole, stop digging. We create far more problems from not admitting our mistakes and then denying, covering up or damage-controlling them, than we would if we truly owned our mistakes.
- Admitting that we are in the wrong means holding our hands up to something. Even though it may not have been what we intended, we said or did something wrong. And we double down on that wrong when we focus on our intentions instead of the impact. When we also engage in blame-shifting, so admitting that we did wrong but then saying that they, for instance, shouldn’t have been there in the first place, we’re making the other party wrong to make ourselves feel good or ‘less’ wrong. We further hurt and gaslight people when we focus on upholding our image of ourselves and centre our feelings and experience instead of the person we wronged.
- Claiming that we don’t know anything, that we always make mistakes and that we’re a ‘failure’, or that we are always in the wrong, is as problematic as not owning up to stuff.
- Keeping up appearances and preserving our image (ep 214)
- Too good to be true? (ep 211)
- What is gaslighting? (ep 185)
- People can be more than one thing (ep 212)
- My book, Mr Unavailable and the Fallback Girl
- Are you out of alignment with your values and needs?
- Following through on your intentions and words with action (ep 186)
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