Tags: dealing with change, identifying problems/issues in relationships, playing roles in relationships, Professor Life, relationship potholes and blind spots, sense of entitlement, unconscious bias
When you encounter problems and challenges, is part of your struggle that you believe you shouldn’t be experiencing them in the first place? You’re not alone. In this week’s episode of The Baggage Reclaim Sessions, I talk about why our attitude to experiencing problems can keep us stuck. Being self-critical or assuming that we’re ‘right is often a big clue as to why we’re experiencing the problem in the first place or still wrestling with it.
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5 key topics in this episode
- How we see the problem is the problem. We think that we’re not supposed to be experiencing a problem in that specific instance and/or that given who we are and what we think we’ve done, that we shouldn’t be. Problems are there to let us know where there’s a flaw in our thinking, attitude or actions.
- It’s easy to fall into the fairy-tale mentality where because of previous adversity, we assume that it’s now time for our happy ending. When we still experience problems despite already experiencing other challenges or being a good person, we feel super confused, resentful and inadequate. But what problems we do or don’t have isn’t based on worthiness or being able to control the uncontrollable.
- What am I trying to get or avoid? What role am I playing in this dynamic?
- Who am I without these problems? Sometimes some of the problems we have are part of our identity. They cater to the roles we’re playing in our life. Hence if we stop having the problem, we stop playing the role. If we derive identity, worthiness, purposefulness from the role, though, that’s the agenda behind our problem.
- Rigid thinking is not love, care, trust and respect. When you cling to a belief that isn’t serving you, your experiences are there to open your mind.
Links mentioned
- What’s with all the life lessons, Professor Life? (ep 87)
- Needs and wants are not about being worthy and deserving
- Love isn’t a reward for being a good person (and we don’t like this)
- Breaking free of roles (ep 128)
- Breaking the lather, rinse, repeat of the frustrating dating cycle (ep 187)
- Dating is a hypothesis (ep 160)
- The Lean Period (ep 137)
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