Subscribe on Apple Podcasts | Spotify | Android
In this episode of The Baggage Reclaim Sessions, I focus on the topic of interest and attention. Sparked by a friend not realising that she fancied the man she’s dating because she was looking out for signs of how she’s usually interested [with emotionally unavailable men], I wanted to explore why we get confused about whether we fancy someone.
I talk about:
- The importance of remembering that healthy connections regulate you while unhealthy connections destabilise.
- The impact of societal and personal conditioning on not just who we’re interested in but our actual perception of what interest constitutes
- The major association that we have with interest and attraction that’s become the pothole that we keep walking into
- Overcorrelating a small piece of information about a person and deducing that we know the whole person, including what cognitive bias means
- Why we overthink our interest
- The all-important clue that lets us know whether our interest and attraction to someone is coming from a genuine, healthy place
- Why trying to convince ourselves into being interested in someone is doing us and them a disservice
- Why we sometimes take it really badly when someone doesn’t reciprocate our interest and feelings
- How differentiating between ego and inner voice can help us to chill out a bit more over the vulnerability of getting to know someone
Links mentioned in the episode (and some extras)
- My book Love, Care, Trust & Respect
- They’re Too Nice To Break Up With
- Podcast Ep. 73: Is Lack of Curiosity Indicative of Disinterest?
- There’s A Big Difference Between Interest and Commitment
- Don’t Conflate Common Interests With Character and Shared Core Values
- Great On Paper, Not So Great In Reality: Why superficial reasons don’t carry much weight with deep decisions
- Do You HAVE To Feel Instant Attraction? Why It’s Time To Stop Acting Like You’re A Love Psychic
- Lifetimes by Bryan Mellonie
- Download the Feelings Diary Guide
Next stop
Please subscribe and/or leave a review on iTunes (how-to guide here) – it really helps in growing the show! If you’re new to podcasts, find out more about what they are and how to subscribe with this guide.
Listener questions can be emailed to podcast AT baggagereclaim DOT com and if there’s a topic you’d love me to talk about, let me know!
Nat xxx
Add to favorites
Finding this website and the incredible wisdom of Nat and the bloggers on it, I do consider myself really really really lucky.
Now if only I could say the same about my past relationships and the heartaches that have left footprints on my heart and scars on my soul. To be honest, I’ve probably left a few of those on the hearts and souls of others. The push/pull trap that comes from not loving oneself is hard to overcome…
I needed this so much right now.
Hope this is where I can ask a question. I experienced several of the ghoster traits you described. After 17 years my common law wife brought a female friend who did not know me well for 6 days to play mediator while she moved out. The mediator later told me her reason for being there was to ensure I did not bully or try to talk with my wife. She also told me after the second day it was clear I was not the monster my wife feared and was convinced she was there to ensure ky wife did not have to discuss her leaving with me. The bullying lie was one no one close to us believed. Another reason for her exit was my refusal to pay living expenses. One I did have to prove a lie to family. The day the move was completed she moved in with another man. Before I found this site I thought it was the most bizarre and unbelievable event ever. My question:
Would there be any benefit to getting these articles to her? Would she recognize herself? I assume the chances of her seeing her actions were wrong and trying to right it by giving our relationship anothertry are remote. I also assume I now would not want it anyway