All of us have relationship potholes. They’re blind spots that keep catching us out. One of mine I’ve had to face down numerous times over the years is about ‘authorities’.
Pre-Baggage Reclaim, I tended to put romantic partners on pedestals. Doing so put me in the role of being inferior. I allowed partners to direct me, even if it meant winding up somewhere far from the ‘home’ of myself.
I was also raised to be obedient and expected elders who were ‘authorities’ simply by extension of their age and position to know best, look out for me, and do the right thing. As an adult, I then expected the manager or boss or the seeming expert about something to do the same. My attitude and blind spot became a rod for my back.
First, I was the kid who learned to distrust her feelings and cede to authorities. Then I became an adult who, even when her spidey sense or the facts in front of her screamed the truth, would suppress that knowledge and swallow her feelings and boundaries.
I still feel uncomfortable ‘going against’ authorities. It’s come up in work a lot over the years. For instance, when working with agents or seeming experts. I’ve learned that even if someone knows a lot about something I don’t, it doesn’t make them an expert on me. I don’t have to roll over if they want something different, and I don’t have to distrust my intuition or the knowledge I have.
Be super wary of any expert or seeming authority who relies on your discounting yourself. There’s no need for you to worship anyone, put them on a pedestal, or act like their way is the only way. No one, including yourself, should expect automatic and unquestionable compliance from you. The same goes for anyone who needs you to make them your sole authority.
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