I was reading one of the first posts that appeared on Baggage Reclaim back in September 2005 about great expectations and I saw a quote I used from my ex fiance that highlighted the vast, cavenous difference between us:
“How can you say that I treated you badly? It’s not as if you caught me in bed with another woman or I use to beat you up?”
This reminds me of another post I wrote a little while back about getting into the heads of Mr Unavailables and assclowns where I quoted a bewildered guy accused of using various women to bail on rent and bills as saying “If I was really that bad, sure they wouldn’t be with me!”
This demonstrates the blinkered thinking that prevents these people from not only seeing the bigger picture but the reality of themselves.
Does that mean that if my ex fiance had lied to me (actually he did) and stolen from me that I would have had to turn a blind eye? And actually, the key word in his statement was ‘caught’ because it didn’t mean that he hadn’t actually been playing around! Mind games!
These quotes go to show how people rationalise their behaviour:
By comparing it to something they perceive as what you should consider being treated badly and deciding that whatever they have done is not all that bad.
By seeing if they are losing out somewhere and experiencing consequences.
With the former, my ex and anyone else who chooses to behave in this way, distances themselves from their actual actions and attempts to silence you in some sort of warped ‘glass is half full’ bullsh*t. With no real understanding of the impact of their behaviour and a lack of empathy that fuels the disconnection, they determine that because in their mind, people who do bad things do X,Y,Z, their behaviour isn’t really bad because it’s not in their little rule book.
With the latter, they experience no real negative consequences and in their mind, when people are behaving in an unacceptable manner and are doing ‘bad things’, they don’t get laid, they don’t get people trying to be with them, and they don’t continue to keep landing on their feet…that is unless you have women willing to turn a blind eye to these things in the name of ‘love’.
But it got me thinking, especially when reading through comments, what type of ridiculous hokey cokey bullsh*t has been said to you as their way of abdicating themselves of any responsibility for their actions, for the relationship, or how you may be feeling on the receiving end?
Share your examples and I (and no doubt readers) will decipher them.