I’ve had a few emails recently that go along the lines of ‘I used to be into Mr Unavailables/assclowns, much wiser now, but can you tell me why I haven’t met a decent guy yet or when I’m going to meet him? I’m starting to lose hope’
I think 99% of these people had been assclown free for a few months and some for as little as a few weeks….
Now obviously I’m not Mystic Meg and I can’t tell you when you’re going to meet him but I can assure you that if it’s on your mind enough for you to be worried about it, you’ve still got some more of ‘the journey’ to make.
Now, this is not pretending that you don’t want a boyfriend or that you don’t want to settle down. It is about stopping making men the focal point of your universe.
We are impatient. We start spending a few minutes, days, weeks, or months finally doing a bit decently by ourselves and we expect an instantaneous result of The Ideal Man to fall into our laps.
The thing is, you can’t be that focused on you if you’re worried about a man who doesn’t exist yet in your life.
If you don’t trust in you and believe that if you make you a top priority, build your self-esteem, and create a life driven by you full of positivity, that at some point, you’ll meet a guy, you’re not ‘there’ yet. You don’t believe in you.
In the UK, it’s different to the US. While we date, it’s not an occupation, a fixture in everyone’s calendar. It’s only in recent years that the impact of online dating and dating ‘events’ has made people more ‘active’ in ‘pursuit’.
One of the things I learned very quickly when I realised what a poor relationship history I had, is that I was always wondering if each guy might be ‘The One’, I was always looking for love in all the wrong places, and I treated each meeting of a guy like he was going to become my boyfriend – basically I was emotionally invested before there was anything to be invested in.
When I met ‘the boyf’, I’d recently ditched an assclown after dating for a few weeks and even though I’d met a few Mr Unavailables in the prior months as I was getting wise about myself, they were around for minuscule periods of time in comparison to before. More importantly, I treated every experience as something to learn more about myself and these ‘relationships’.
I was focused on enjoying my life, getting my health and strength back, and loving me. My attitude was, if I met a guy, lovely, but not losing my mind or my life over him, but in the meantime, there was no fire.
I had been emotionally unavailable for most of my 28 years, had spent my teenage and adult years with dubious choice after dubious choice – I’d only been loving me for a fraction of that time.
And this is what women who truly are committed to having a higher self-esteem that is not based solely on a man or a relationship, that validate themselves, and who truly embrace their lives need to get real about:
You don’t revolutionise the wheel overnight. You can’t be emotionally unavailable on a Tuesday and decide that because you now have an idea of what these relationships are about, that you’re ready for ‘The One’ on a Wednesday.
You may well meet an assclown or two, or ten along the road – that doesn’t mean anything. Just like millions of people around the world, we come across unsuitable people…and we show no interest and walk away.
Assclowns and Mr Unavailables, while they’re very good at homing in on likely targets, they’re also very good at chancing their arm – It’s the Time of Day Principle. You give room to their advances and their crap and they know that they pass go and collect some of your self-esteem en route. You don’t give them the time of day and go along your merry way without a second thought, whether that’s because your spidey senses instantly recognise a chump or because you very quickly spot a red flag that screams abort mission, and they move on to someone else.
There are many women who are willing to throw their energy into the abyss that is these men, you don’t have to be one of them.
The point is, it’s no big deal. I wouldn’t worry about why an assclown or Mr Unavailable approaches me – I would worry more about why he’s still there.
While in relationships, you choose men or engage with men that reflect the things that you believe about yourself, love, and relationships, unless you are actually doing things that actually do send a signal to these men, a stranger approaching you is random.
- Not every man is a date prospect, never mind a relationship prospect.
- You are allowed to turn down a man.
- You are allowed to be approached by a Mr Unavailable or an assclown…and turn him down.
- The more focused on you that you are, and the more that your attitude and life changes to reflect this though, is the less likely you are to attract these men.
- If you continue hanging in the same places where you met your exes or you frequent places that have a high ratio of assclowns and Mr Unavailables to decent guys, such as dating sites, you can’t lament the fact that you’re meeting assclowns and Mr Unavailables!
- If you’re ‘hunting’ for a man and actively auditioning every man you come across for the top seat in your life, you’re going to get frustrated and defeated very quickly.
I’m not saying that you shouldn’t place yourself in situations to meet men but actually, if you leave the house, mix with people, go to parties, are social, are open to having a conversation with people without expectation, you will still meet guys. They don’t have to turn into a relationship, never mind dates, because realistically, not every man that you meet can have the potential to be The One.
Instead of thinking ‘OH NO! I was approached by an assclown – I am DOOMED to only be with these men!’ and then start mentally resigning yourself to a life in Assclownsville, you could think ‘Thank God I see through this assclown crap and they don’t stand a chance. Move on!’ and pat yourself on the back for great judgement. Why see the negative when there is a very clear positive?
By recognising how inappropriate one of these guys is for you, you’ve just spared yourself some pain, which is more than you used to do!
It’s unrealistic and downright crazy as not only does it show a lack of quality control but it kinda shows a bit of desperation. When I realised that about my dating history, it ‘sobered’ me up pronto.
And there’s no point doing the whole ‘But what if years go by?’ I am yet to come across one woman who can wholeheartedly say that she healed from her hurts, has a decent level of self-esteem, and couldn’t meet a man for years and years.
This is why I say it’s important to value you and the life you have because depending on what stage of your life you finally click with this, it may seem to put you under pressure, which in turn can create dodgy results. This is why you need to know when to let go of bad investments so that you don’t waste time and ensure that you’re doing things that benefit you and make you feel good.
If you’ve been spending a significant portion of your life engaging in relationships, behaviours and habits that have only served to make you unhappy, it’s time for you to make big changes.
Don’t place all of your happiness in the hands of an assclown, Mr Unavailable, or a man that is yet to materialise – get and be happy now.
Are you truly focused on you and building your self-esteem and your life? Or are you ‘secretly’ waiting, willing, hoping, that today might be the day that ‘he’ will show up?
Your thoughts?
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This is a fantastic post…so timely for me. I just left a trail of dust between me and my assclown (love that word by the way). And am four days into the No Contact…and am soooo ready to be here. I have zero intention of ever letting him near my life again.
The confident woman you’re talking about who believes in herself? I used to be her…in my 20s. Somewhere along the way, as I got older, now in my 30s, I somehow lost sight of all of that, and started doing all of the things you say you did.
I do realize I’ve been treating every interaction with a guy as steps toward him potentially becoming my boyfriend. That is so wrong…and I’m so glad you’ve reminded me so clearly here.
I am doing a winter triathlon next week, plan to focus on me and my fantastic girlfriends who helped me through these last miserable months.
I know you’re right. If I can just stop making men the focal point, and just live my life, remember who I am, what I stand for, what blows my hair back…I will be just fine.
My happy ending is going to be getting back to me.
You rock! This site was my saving grace over the last 9 months…
NML you are so on target. I was re-living the past relationship yesterday and that put me in a tail spin. Matter of fact I was feeling really sorry for myself and my life and why I was in the place that I am (unemployed) and no relationship. In the past couple of weeks, I realized that I was not taking care of ME. I wasn’t eating healthy and worrying endless about bills and such. I felt like I was in prison in my home because every bit of money coming in would be paid on bills to the point that I had nothing left for me and stayed at home not enjoying life. Not now. That was like a light bulb going off for me. Couple that with a lack of relationship and what a recipe for disaster. I was in therapy and the therapist wondered out loud what was wrong with me….I am attractive and smart and yet I am not dating and she even suggested a dating web site and after hearing about the Ass Clown that I was with. Needless to say, I am not seeing her. I was also praying, hoping and searching for the “ONE”. I often felt that I was getting too old and I better hurry up to find the ONE.
This article is right on time, thanks again.
Loved this one!!!!
I will never return to “Assclownville” again!!!!
Makes sense. Thanks, NML.
Loving Annie’s last blog post..One & Only Palmilla, Mexico
haven’t posted in a while, but just read the latest advice from NML.. i have been “alone” now for almost a year.. the first 6 months were terrible after the break up with my ass clown. It’s now a year later, and i’m happy.. and alone!!! I have realized that i don’t need a man to make me happy and as of right now i go to bed happy and wake up happy with out any nonsense from a guy altering my moods, appetite, anxiety etc.. I’m definitely open to a relationship, but feel that by no means, do i need to be in one. I’m happy being me, and so much happier then i was in my last relationship walking on eggshells and waking for the other shoe to drop. It takes time ladies, but if you put your mind to it, and focus on you, it comes full circle..
I loooooove this post!!!!!!!!! I am finally beginning to realize that it definitely won’t take years and years to meet someone worthwhile when I feel happy and self-confident. The problem is that when we feel bad about ourselves, we overlook a lot of good guys, and in effect we aren’t ready for them. When you “just know” you’ll eventually meet someone decent, it really takes all the pressure off and you can focus on having a good life, and going for quality in someone. It’s very hard to understand this when you aren’t there yet mentally, but if you keep making some effort toward feeling better about yourself each day (even a little bit), you will eventually start to feel better and attract quality into your life. You won’t accept anything less after working so hard to change–you will want to give yourself a chance! I have finally won my own respect, though it’s funny because after winning it, I realized I never needed to “win” it in the first place–it’s something that was always there for me, I just needed to embrace it and start realizing I deserve as much as any one else.
NML, do you have a post about Internet dating? My friends think that I am old fashioned for not trying, they think that A**clowns can be found everywhere.
Why is online dating so “lucrative” for Mr. Unavailable? Seems like a lot of “work” to me Internet dating and Mr.. Unavailable are lazy.
NML, Thank you so much for this post. It couldn’t have come at a better time. After so many years of being emotionally unavailable (35 for me) it helps to hear that it is unrealistic to think that I’m going to be happy with myself or ready for a healthy relationship overnight. I have been 8 months post epiphany-inducing EUM and taking a break from dating, which was really hard for me at first because I always used the next EUM to get over the previous EUM. I still have a ways to go with working on myself and my issues from my past, but it’s OK. I know I will get to the point where I need to be with myself eventually, and when I do date again, then the guy will just be the icing on the cake.
Hey NML — that is exactly how I been feeling. The other day I was thinking “I’m happy being single and know I will meet the right guy once I am at the point in my life where it’s thriving” but I dread when people ask “Why are you single” — I suppose I have to come up with a simple answer other than the truth, because I will meet him when it’s time… I am now in the process of building my self-esteem and haven’t dated an ASSCLOWN/Mr. Unavailable since September and it’s now almost March! Granted dating isn’t my focus — but I have turned down a few assclowns that I was going to meet just for a date over the dating websites because I felt they were unfit to date. At least it was good practice! I was so proud of myself that I respected my time enough and trusted my instincts and was aware of my boundaries. Here is a short story of an assclown:
I was on a dating website, he contacted me, appeared and in his description sounded like a mature gentleman (suitable for a date) and he was cute. We spoke on the phone a few times; had a good flow in conversation and agreed to meet. Prior to meeting a few of my instincts were flaring b/c he seemed to say things like “I am available Friday at such and such a time” — without asking about my schedule and had called me expecting to meet for a cup of coffee sort of last minute and saying “What do you have to get all dolled up?” I told him last minute wouldn’t work, didn’t see it as an abort and proceeded. We met at the Mall at a Starbucks but the assclown (as suspected) didn’t have much consideration for woman because he had a Dunkin Donuts Coffee with him meanwhile we agreed to get coffee at Starbucks… he eagerly suggested we get something to eat in the mall (which was nice, instead of just coffee)… The first meet went well, more pros than cons but I do remember him asking how much I pay for my apartment and I told him it wasn’t his business. He asked me out for a second date and we went to dinner. The assclown said that he thinks I should be more ambitious, instead of working at Small Pennysaver (which he thought because he didn’t ask questions but it was a huge company which pissed me off even more as he was giving advice he wasn’t preparred to give) as I did in the past and I have more potential than that in a conscending way and asked if I would be interested in just being a housewife. (REALLY?? WOW HE IS SO ENLIGHTENING AND INSPIRING)!! He was a tool!
NML,
I’m with Astelle. I would also be interested in a post about Internet dating and the Assclowns that like to utilize it.
Hi Guys, I have made a note of your post request. It will probably be at least next week before it happens. In the meantime there is this post why he can’t stop shopping around online, 10 things i hate about online dating, avoiding virtual Mr Unavailable’s.
In essence, it’s not complicated thing as to why assclowns and Mr Unavailable’s hang online – it’s not a lot of work at all. Sending instant messages, winks, emails to numerous people and having lots of flirtations – some would argue that pursuing women in the real world is far harder work. You can be who you want to be online – plain and simple. You can keep people at a distance also because most of these men are not ‘connecting’ – which is perfect, for them.
Thanks NML, you are truly a blessing, as this site has been amazing for me.
Peace
An old blogger-Thanks for your positive feedback. It’s great to hear from those who were there and where they are now. I like the part of your post which states “I wake up happy without any nonsense from a guy altering my moods….” That’s the best part for me. Kudos and way to go!
In my past 4 months of online dating I found a lot of guys I met liked me but then said after a month or so of stringing me along that they weren’t ready. It seemss the ones on line say they want to have a relationship (as their profile professed) but then they continue to look for someone more perfect. They are on the dating tread mill always thinking someone better will pop up in a profile for them. You have to have a think skin, since often I would make a date and they would flake on me when it came to meeting face to face.
On the note of this post. I am doing better the past two months and refuse to let the MM back into my life. I miss him sometimes but I think about how the pain was worse when I was with him. I am happy everyday. I know at some point the right person will walk into my life. In the meantime I have other things to take care of.
NML, what about the physical part? 🙂 Or is that the Fallback girl’s “job”?
After reading “avoiding virtual unavailables” I now know why the ex-EUM had his kid in the photo online. It was a prop to entice me and it did, I remember thinking…”what a great guy with a kid, how cute.” What a predator is what I think now after reading that post. UGH……..
This is an amazing post. AMAZING.
nysharon, I hear you! Keep going forward and don’t spend too much time thinking about if he might feel sad or bad without you. It doesn’t matter. He has a woman, and whether their marriage is good or not, he has made the choices to stay where he is. I wish you the best in moving forward.
Also, I love this post. NML wrote “Don’t place all of your happiness in the hands of an assclown,” and it made me laugh for the first time ( because I could admit that I did that! I really did let “what an assclown thought of me” mean something, and I was miserable.) It doesn’t means much at all when you finally figure it out.
Also, in another post (and I can’t remember who actually wrote this), but someone talked about how the “butterflies in the stomach” should be a warning or “red flag” that this might be an unhealthy thing rather than a “chemical connection.” WOW, that really made sense to me! I love that.
If I listen to that, it will give me the opportunity to look for a nice, gentle start to a relationship and let it grow from there. The “fireworks” feeling doesn’t necessarily mean it is a good thing.
Great post NML – and very timely for me. I’ve been no contact (except for last week when I told him in one email not to contact me ever again) for almost two months now and it feels great. For the first time, I’m not anxious about when I am going to meet a “Mr. Available”.
I know I have some more work to do. I’m still a work in progress. One thing I have noticed is that the men I used to be attracted to were so obviously unavailable, it’s not even funny. Huge egos, extremely vain, very focused on women’s looks, and all around “too much” in their personalities. I think I attracted and was attracted to these guys in the past because I didn’t feel very good about myself. Their attention (which they gave to anyone that craved it and would stroke their ego) boosted my ego.
This past month, two of these guys either came to visit me for a weekend or invited me away for a weekend (under the guise of “friendship”). Wow – what an uncomfortable set of weekends they were. I found myself no longer drawn to them and saw them as overgrown man children. Additionally, these men were not saying to me “I am interested in you, and want a relationship” – no they were just hoping they’d get a little “nookie” on the side and wanted to keep playing around. Don’t get me wrong, I understand often men don’t come right out and say “I want us to date or I am interested in you, how do you feel about me?” – I understand they look for signals from us.
However, both of my situations – these guys were just waiting for me to give them the signal so we could what – fool around? Have sex? One lived 5,000 miles away and the other one talked endlessly about all the other “women” in his lilfe. Neither one made sense. Add to that their personalities which I found unappealing – it was a difficult set of weekends.
On the one hand it makes me feel good that I’ve grown and am not attracted to what used to appeal to me.
However, this past weekend I found myself attracted to a quiet guy that had not much to say and was a bit standoff-ish. At first I felt very attracted but then I remembered I had banned myself from men through at least February. Normally I would have begun chasing this guy. Finding ways to chat with him, flirting, etc… Instead I sat on my hands (and fended off my “date” for the weekend) and just observed my feelings and tried to figure out why I was drawn to this “quiet” guy.
I really think he seemed like a challenge to me. He was attractive and bright. But once I observed that he really had not much to say at all, didn’t seem very interested in anything going on around him except for his computer and whomever or whatever was commanding his attention, and that he wasn’t noticing me at all or trying to get to know me better – his allure began to fade.
I realize that he may not have been another EUM, maybe he was just shy. But just the act of stepping away from the attraction was a good exercise for me. It made me realize that it felt fine, actually quite good – not to be chasing someone.
As the loud, egotistical types have been a turnoff for me lately, I thought I wanted a quiet guy. Truth is, I am not sure what I want yet. I think I need to just give it more time and focus on building and living a healthy life. I was going to sign up for internet dating next week but I think I may put that plan on hold.
Thanks for the post. I hope to continue with recovery!
God, after reading some of these posts, I wonder if there are any more normal men out there??? There is story after story of all of these screwed up, lying, using men. I know that’s not the case but it is a bit disheartening reading the posts of ladies out in the dating arena again.
Gaynor, that’s a bit like me saying that it’s disheartening for me to be a parent because every day I read stories about sick people doing sick things to children, children dying, stabbings, illness and the various dangers and worries associated with being a parent and a child…
Of course there are normal men otherwise, what do we do? Feel disheartened and say ‘Screw it, I might as well take what’s on offer because everything is crap’? Resign ourselves to misery and negativity? Absolutely not.
Astelle – That makes the assumption that all Mr Unavailable’s and assclowns have physical relationships. It also assumes that you can’t have a physical relationship with someone you met online. Online is just a virtual meeting place. It’s no different to going to a bar, only there are a lot more fish in the sea and you can be who you want to be.
I am amazed at the amount of people that have the belief that you should move from one relationship to the other. When my last assclown and I split up, I was not at all ready for a relationship. Me, me, me, was the only thing on my mind. Having fun, pampering, picking back up the things that I loved and had let go, and releasing the pain. But I had so many people, both men and women, make comments about it. They felt I had not moved on, and was waiting for Mr. Unwonderful to come back, or they just plain felt I needed a man in my life.
That was the last thing I needed in my life! What I needed was to get my feet firmly planted beneath me, and stand back up again. Not only stand back up, but to start reaching for the stars. For the first time in my life I began sweeping out the garbage that had built up around my heart, instead of leaving it there and just piling more and more on top of it.
Then and only then, will I be able to have the relationship I am looking for.
searchingwithin’s last blog post..Is Your "Attraction Radar" Broken?
betterwithouthim… yes.. please take it from me.. it does get better and a year has done wonders.. (i should say 6 months since that’s when i turned for good and never looked back).. however, i will say that you yourself have to take steps to move on and leave the past in the past.. it just doesn’t happen.. it’s a combo of not texting, not calling, not running into them, not checking up on them and avoiding them if they reach out.. You will be soooo suprised how you move on without the disappointments setting you back when you do something stupid.. Think of them as a hot burner on a stove.. If you don’t touch it you wont’ get burned, so dont’ touch it!!!!! i learned the hard way, trust me on that.. i had to hit rock bottom, but i’ll never be there again. Don’t chase anyone.. you will see yourself if you truly want to!!!
good luck 😉
NML,
I know there are decent, good, available men out there, it just seems to be a bit of a challenge to locate them.
I suppose I got caught up in the posts last night with the stories about the assclowns the ladies were meeting . It just seems like there are so many men out there who are not capable of anything more than sex, almost like they’re machines. I think it’s very sad for all concerned.
No more negative talk!
NML and everyone, that is a great post. Just out of curiosity, would you be able to gauge if this is normal in the recovery process? It’s been roughly 4.5 months of NC with my EUM, and I seem to still go to bed thinking of him every night and wake up thinking of him every morning usually. The thoughts aren’t so much focused on discussing anything or explaining my head off to him and doing the self-esteem validation dance one more time, but 99.9% of the time, not even exaggerating, they are fantasies about making love him to again. And I should note, it’s usually “making love” vs. just straight up nasty shagging because there’s much sweet talk, soft caressing, and embraceable body language.
When it occurred in reality between us, I will admit that there was an amount of sweet talk, soft caressing, and embraceable body language, but there’s MUCH, much more in these late-night, early morning fantasies, and mainly the way I’d want it to be from this point in my life with him (I was too inexperienced back then). When we made love in reality, I was only satisfied to a certain degree with it and almost every time felt more like a booty call than anything else, and I’d never orgasmed because 1, it was too quick for me, and 2 I know I lacked a particular amount of comfort with him for one reason or another. I believe that I’ve accepted at this point in time that no amount of speaking to him, trying to get through to him, or even ALLOWING him to speak to me will work on him, and because I don’t believe any of it will come to any good, I’m in fact so withdrawn I’d rather not speak to him at all because I believe he’d use each and every opportunity to somehow regain his power in my life and manipulate the situation to commence re-stealing my self-esteem.
Do you all think these fantasies are normal at this point in the grieving process?
Somethings;
I think it is partly grieving and partly just what you say it is–fantasy. Make a conscious effort to replace the thoughts of him with a different face or fantasy or even better–how you felt like a booty call.
An absolutely fabulous post! Regardless of whether I have a life partner or not, I am going to enjoy my life! Excellent advice, NML!
somethingsomethingsomethingdarkside……I don’t think it’s abnormal at all. I actually had to go into therapy to try and get over my xEUM. I made the mistake of breaking NC and talking to him a while back, it was like starting all over again. I do the same thing you do, I think of him in morning and at night or any old time of the day. I don’t have the sexual fantasies because I won’t let myself go there but just fleeting thoughts. My gf asks me how I can still think about him but it’s all part of the grieving process. It’s hard to lose someone you love no matter how much of an assclown they were.
For me he was the first man I loved in a very long time. Now all my walls are up. I tried online dating for awhile but I don’t like it for all the reasons that NML discussed. Focusing on yourself while you’re grieving your way through this is a good thing. It’s better then to go out and try to find a rebound man.
There aren’t any rules on how to get over someone. One day at a time. Some days will be great and some won’t. Just know that you’re not alone. I’m five months into NC with a few breaks in between. I’m glad you’ve not allowed him back into your life. I won’t make that mistake again myself.
Keep on keepin on.
I always feel like these posts come exactly when I need it! I was feeling just like this yesterday, but just as NML said, the truth of the matter is that I’ve been loving myself for such a short time in comparison to how long I’ve been suffering from assclown sydrome. I’d been thinking the same thing about when I would finally run across a good guy, but I think the truth is that because I’m still dealing with some baggage I’m probably not that attractive to emotionally available men yet and until then I keep drawing the EUM’s of the dating world. The difference is now I recognize them and send them packing without a blink of my beautifully curled eyelashes. :~)
somethingsomethingsomethingdarkside, myalmostlover ,
I too still think regulary about my ex eum nearly 12 months after he walked out suddenly without so much as even a post it note. Both how the relationship actually was and how I perceived it to be, the loving caring side I thought it was. I’ve managed 8 weeks of NC – the most ever, but it was broken today by me, still not even sure why, some rubbish excuse over wanting to borrow a cd disc. But the difference this time is that I am not going to beat myself up over it, I think the fact that i have rebuilt a life without him, focusing on me, have helped, i have new and old friends and interests and i am genuinely starting to like ME.
@ searchingwithin,
A word of warning. You are learning some very powerful insights and wisdom about relationships. Very few men will ever be as wise, when you meet them. Please be kind and optimistic!
@ somethingsomethingsomethingdarkside,
The fantasies may at the same time be expressing your body’s need for a sexual relationship, and also your wish to return to a “better” time – or validation that you are worthy of being loved and cherished. The validation from him won’t be coming, and I hope you are “taking matters into your own hands” for the other.
Fantasies and desires are gifts given to us. We can shape and use those fantasies when we wish, so that they better serve our lives. You might imagine turning the table, of being the giver and doing the caressing sometimes. Focus on your feelings and sensations, and ignore his face. Be open to apply other faces, imagine other partners.
And don’t forget that fantasies and dreams can teach us a lot about ourselves. You might try capturing these fantastic encounters in a journal. Perhaps you can gain some insight from the details, the sequence, and from your actions and reaction. But keep it personal. And secret. Unless it turns out you have a flair for capturing erotic images – which might be the start of a whole career! lol! 😉
The fantasies fill a niche in your life, where you need comforting and to be cherished. That has to be good, and good for you. As for the physical side, sadly most any movement will lessen that part of the focus – dance, Tae Bo, Karate, Judo, or other martial arts class, or Yoga or other exercise class. The martial arts direction has the benefit of teaching you to handle dangerous situations (mostly by recognizing how powerful it is, to run away when you can, to resist always, etc.). Both exercise and martial arts classes build strength, agility, camaraderie with the class, and self esteem and confidence.
“Handling” the situation will work things out, too.
Enjoy!
You are amazing!! It’s like you get into my heart and head and then put to pen all the answers to my thoughts and feelings. Thank you for all your wonderful and on point postings. You are a Godsend.
best advice ever. it’s like we see the signs when we’re with the unavailble men but we think they’ll change and stay anyway……i love this blog. just came across it last night and i can’t stop reading more and more posts! awesome!