The search for a dream relationship where you find a soulmate who is exactly as you dreamed he would be and you think, act and want the same things may start out innocently, but depending on how attached you become to the search, can actually turn you commitment-phobic. After all, it’s difficult for any man to live up to the elusive criteria that you have in your head, create the special feelings that you think you’re going to feel, and sustain them too.

If you ever did meet someone who came close to your version of ‘soulmate’, you’d no doubt end up disappointed or frustrated at some point because they can’t say, do, and make you feel everything you want all of the time. What are you going to do when they have an off hour, day, week, month, several months or even a year?

Placing the responsibility of your happiness into someone else’s hands, often someone who doesn’t even exist yet, in the hope that they will complete you and set your world to rights is a dangerous, foolhardly act. You make your own happiness and placing the reliance of it in someone else’s hands means that you are 100% reliant on them for the feel good factor in your life. Cue constant validation, reassurance and emotional soothing. If you can’t make your own happiness, how do you expect them to make yours?

People that get happy within themselves connect with other likewise people who have happiness. Misery loves company so it’s no wonder that you end up with someone as dysfunctional as Mr Unavailable.

I am in no way suggesting that you shouldn’t be with a man that makes you happy, but you should have the power to be happy independently of him. Failure to address this will result in you constantly being caught in the Yo-Yo effect, and pandering to a guy blowing hot and cold. Because they appear to be your source of happiness…and more so your misery, you will keep fluttering back to him because that’s what you think will make things alright. Trust me when I say that you wouldn’t do this if you were able to do some of your own validation, reassurance, and emotional soothing.

Happiness is not something you seek out in the form of a dysfunctional relationship. It’s something that you can create with or without someone in tow. If you can start to be happy independently of a man, it is very difficult for them to have the power to dictate every positive and negative emotion that you feel. In fact…dysfunctional men won’t even get a look in…

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