Do you feel guarded after a negative experience due to struggling, on some level, to forgive yourself? When dating or in a relationship, is your overriding concern the fear of being hurt again? If so, you have walls. Fear of the emotional consequences of trusting yourself and others leads you to limit intimacy so that you’re not ‘back there’ again. On some level, you’ve vowed to avoid a repeat of a past experience at all costs. You’re tired of getting hurt again and again and doing what you think’s best to protect yourself.
We often erect walls due to feeling we screwed up really badly before. There’s a sense of not being a safe bet or believing that people operate with ulterior motives and will ultimately screw us over. Walls keep people at a distance so it won’t hurt as much if they reject, leave or disappoint. They also, incidentally, make us emotionally unavailable.
Walls block you from showing up for the joys of a relationship, deviating from your comfort zone, and being exposed to ‘new risk’. Ironically, walls are a magnet for shady folks who enjoy the challenge of breaking walls down. Meanwhile, you mistake their intensity and persistence as a sign that you can trust them. Of course, when you wind up being hurt again, you blame it on your having let down your guard. And lather, rinse, repeat.
Trying to ‘get’ love with walls is like substituting actual money with Monopoly money and IOUs for something you really want to own and enjoy but are too scared of something going wrong. Boundaries, on the other hand, mean you allow yourself to heal, grow and learn. You operate from a place of discernment and being more you instead of hiding yourself.
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