Ownership is one of the four qualities of a loving partner, along with emotional availability, commitment to self and positive outlook. Ownership is the combination of integrity, responsibility and maturity. This quality is about how we learn to own ourselves and our truth, fully stepping into being an adult. Someone who doesn’t practise ownership doesn’t have the wherewithal to make a commitment, quite simply because they won’t honour it.

Ownership is owning our feelings and behaviour instead of trying to influence and control others to feel good about ourselves. When we embody ownership as a quality, we let go of our attachment to catering to the past. We stop using reasoning habits from our childhood. We don’t try to make our partners our replacement parents/caregivers to fill voids because we recognise the duty we have to ourselves to be our primary caregivers.

Partners who practise ownership recognise that saying and showing no, responding to discomfort, and being willing to acknowledge their side of the street is a vital part of ownership and protecting the integrity of the relationship. They don’t dismiss partners as ‘needy’, ‘too sensitive’ or ‘dramatic’, or blame the other for their feelings or actions, allowing for mutual empathy. 

Ownership is really honesty—letting go of untruths and not allowing illusions to persist. It means not accepting less than this from ourselves or our partners, even when it might be uncomfortable to do so. There’s no overcompensating because we respect each person’s responsibilities.

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