Here’s what I cover in episode 22:
Why do we stress out over Valentine’s Day? I talk about why some people, single or not, find themselves feeling down over V-Day and offer up some suggestions for getting things into perspective.
Trying to make someone change won’t fix a boundary problem. I explain why boundaries are two-fold so yes, we can say or show a boundary to others but in order for it to truly be a boundary and for us not to be open to the same issue in the same way, we need to ensure that we are addressing the boundary on our end too. | As mentioned in the show, you can enjoy 30% off the Embrace Healthy Boundaries 30-day project with the code PODCAST.
Tips for keeping gossiping in check. Following on from this week’s Advice Wednesday, I share suggestions for ensuring that you don’t go too far and that you keep your integrity, including not saying something behind a person’s back that you wouldn’t be prepared to say to their face.
Listener Question – A series of bad dating experiences have caused Paula to see that four years post-divorce and she’s not over it yet. She wants to know how she can truly let go.
What Nat Learned This Week: I need to hang out with my inner child a bit more! The photo (above) shows some of the things I’ve collected and enjoyed that acknowledge that younger part of me that has always felt that she’s had to be older than her years.
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Nat xxx
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Great post! Since I have started viewing myself as the problem, not the other person, it has helped me enormously. It puts the responsibility for addressing it squarely on my shoulders. If I see the other person as the problem, I give them power over me and I feel helpless and stuck. The real problem is how I am relating to that person. I do have power to change my behavior, not theirs.
Also, sticking to the facts has helped too. When addressing a problem/situation, if I stick to the facts it’s more difficult for the person to argue/defend/blame, etc…
Worked like a charm when I was being scapegoated and bullied at work recently. I would have loved to see the look on their faces when each time they tried to subtly bully me to get me to do something that wasn’t my responsibility, and/or get an emotional reaction, instead I calmly responded in writing (with a cc) with the facts and let them deal with the consequences.
Coming from this perspective has changed my relationships and greatly improved my self-esteem.
As far as gossips go, I view it as if they’ll do it with me, they’ll do it to me. Again I stick to the facts and don’t allow myself to get sucked into the gossip. I’ll make an excuse and leave. Some sneaky/backstabbing gossips will say something and when you respond will take what you said back to the person he/she was talking about! Someone at work recently tried this. Since I know she’s like that, I said only positive things about the person she was talking about. She ignored me for days afterward. ? I guess she was pissed I wouldn’t play along.
Long time getting to this point and I am beyond thrilled to be getting it. I am so much more at peace with myself and others.
Thank you, Nat!
Hi Natalie,
Thank you for keeping me company on a Saturday night with your podcast. Superb! I listened intently to you talk about V-day, and need to reflect on my own aversion. I do not know the last time a man told me ‘I love you’ but it would have to be my ex-husband, pre 2008 – the demise of my marriage, so maybe close to 10 years ago.
Then two years ago I got a cute ‘XOXO Happy Valentines Day’ text, followed by a card from BGE. It made me happy, and scared me at the same time, because I wasn’t sure how to take it. Now I know. It was my worst nightmare come true; it meant nothing and was all part of his *good guy* image. Besides that card from 2014, no man has given me anything, ever, since I’ve been divorced. I am not counting a drink or a dinner that might occur on a date. And I really don’t NEED anyTHING, but like you said in your podcast:
‘Ultimately we are human; we love, we want to be loved, and that is absolutely okay.’
So V-day, to me has become an extra special reminder that I am NOT loved. I guess that kind of hurts. I do agree, it’s just one day. For me it just accentuates a void.
Just a thought, but love comes in many forms, not exclusively within the context of a romantic relationship. I am single, but I use Valentine’s day to celebrate many other forms of love in my life.
Hi Freedom,
Thank you for the comment (and the one a few weeks earlier). I understand what you’re saying. I suppose for ME, it’s like saying ‘Yes I eat healthy food. I eat bananas, apples, and grapes.’ But if that’s the only food I’m eating, I’m still lacking in nutrition. Maybe someday this too shall pass. But I doubt it.