If you’ve ever wondered why you keep thinking about someone or something even though you think you should be moved on by now, this week’s episode of The Baggage Reclaim Sessions is for you. It’s not necessarily that you, for instance, want to get back with your ex or that you still care as much about an event or that there’s something wrong with you; it’s a habit.
5 key topics in this episode
- It’s impossible to keep thinking about something or someone over an extended period of time without creating a habit. If you think about your ex every day for six months after the breakup, that’s a habit. Those thoughts won’t just go because you’ve decided you want them to.
- After a while, it starts sending the thoughts automatically. Think of it like a recording that pops in when you wake up.
- Your subconscious doesn’t tell the time. It throws out responses from, for instance, early childhood as if the conditions are the same, but you, for instance, are in your forties in 2021.
- When you’re out of our comfort zone, afraid, or where your inner critic has typically been active in the past, your inner critic will pipe up and the volume and chatter will increase and intensify. Yep, your inner critic is a habit too.
- Becoming aware of when these trains of thought pull in and contextualising them begins the pattern-breaking process. Patterns can’t exist in the same way once you consciously become aware of them. Fact is, you don’t have to jump on a train of thought. Recognising that it’s an automatic thought, not necessarily your opinion or belief (or a reflection of your true feelings), means you can stop making up stories around these thoughts and feelings.
- Turning the temperature down on yourself and sabotaging happiness
- Afraid to be happy
- The Body Keeps the Score by Bessel van der Kolk
- What happened to you? by Oprah and Dr Bruce Perry
- The Unsent Letter Guide
- What’s the baggage behind it? (ep 2)
- My free audio series The Emotional Baggage Sessions
- Create Your NC Plan short course
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Are you ready to stop silencing and hiding yourself in an attempt to “please” or protect yourself from others? My new book, The Joy of Saying No: A Simple Plan to Stop People Pleasing, Reclaim Boundaries, and Say Yes to the Life You Want (HarperCollins/Harper Horizon), is out now.