When you pretend to be something you’re not, doing things not because they reflect who you are but because it’s what you’ve always done, what you think is expected, or what you believe will ‘get’ you love or help you avoid negative outcomes, you are playing a role. This role you assume within your interpersonal relationships cuts you off from intimacy.
Pretending leads to feelings of rejection and abandonment. It’s like thinking, ‘I did everything right. I even tried to be just like you or your Perfect Woman/Man/Person, and you still don’t want me? I must be really unlovable!’
So, back on the hamster wheel you go. You can’t be accepted for who you are if you’ve never been yourself long enough for others to know and understand you.
I’ve been running Baggage Reclaim since September 2005, and I’ve spent many thousands of hours writing this labour of love. The site has been ad-free the entire time, and it costs hundreds of pounds a month to run it on my own. If what I share here has helped you and you’re in a position to do so, I would love if you could make a donation. Your support is so very much appreciated! Thank you.
Copyright Natalie Lue 2005-2025, All rights reserved. Written and express permission along with credit is needed to reproduce and distribute excerpts or entire pieces of my work.
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