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The Past is a Guide, Not a Verdict.

The past doesn’t have to define who you are; it tells you where you’ve been and what you’ve been through. When you judge past versions of yourself unfairly, it shapes the way you see yourself now and in the future. You are here, living and breathing, and can exact...

Loving, Lasting Relationships Need the Compatibility of Shared Core Values

by NATALIE | Self

Compatibility is about the ability to co-exist harmoniously. We experience it with people with whom we share core values (character and direction). These values speak for who we are and what we prioritise in terms of how we want to live our lives (relationships,...

Why the 50:50 Mentality Falls Short in Romantic Relationships

by NATALIE | Relationships

Describing a relationship as 50:50 divides it in half, which is very subjective. How can anyone say what doing ‘their share’ is? A 50:50 mentality in relationships causes us to keep score. Instead of answering the question, Are we both being loving partners?, in 50:50...

The Blame Trap Only Ends Up Helping Shady People

by NATALIE | Relationships

When we’re in unhealthy and unfulfilling relationships, we often blame others, and then ourselves, for the other person’s behaviour. For instance, we claim that our romantic partner ex(es) ‘obviously’ didn’t love them right or give the right support or sex them...

‘Keeping the Peace’ Just Might Be Hurting Your Emotional Wellbeing

by NATALIE | Relationships

Many people who don’t have self-esteem that they can rely on often consider themselves to be keepers of the peace. There’s just one not-so-small problem: their actions destroy their inner peace. Keeping the peace is often code for keeping it zipped when you want to...

Uncovering Hidden Anger is Good for Our Self-Worth and Intimate Relationships

by NATALIE | Self

Here are examples of experiences that cause low self-worth, loneliness, and hidden anger: Forcing yourself to forget about certain feelings and then forgetting you forgot them. Due to being pushed to your limit by later experiences, the buried feelings poke at you,...

We Need to Be Investors, Not Bailiffs, In Our Relationships

by NATALIE | Relationships

Relationships are an investment. They involve an element of risk, and you don’t recoup your investment costs — time, energy, effort and emotion (your bandwidth). Investing ourselves into our relationships and priorities is the cost of getting involved, so we...

About Intense Messaging During the Early Stages of Romantic Relationships

by NATALIE | Dating

When getting to know someone new, we are, on some level, attempting to decipher whether they’re a ‘safe’ person. Are they trustworthy? Do we have common ground? The more interactions we have with someone over a relatively short period, even though they might be brief,...

Having Needs and Boundaries Doesn’t Make You a Bad Person

by NATALIE | Boundaries

Guilt is that sense you have of having committed a wrongdoing.Now, as feelings aren’t facts, feeling you’ve done something wrong isn’t the same as actually having done something wrong. Never is this more clear when you notice you are feeling guilty for: ...

Our Intimate Relationships Require More Honesty and Emotional Availability

by NATALIE | Relationships

Mutually fulfilling relationships take the consistent honesty of being emotionally available. Intimacy happens when two people have gotten over the pretence that they’re perfect and have stopped being afraid that they will experience rejection or abandonment if...

Our Intimate Relationships Require Us To Commit To Showing Up

by NATALIE | Relationships

Without commitment, a relationship has no purpose or direction. It’s just floating, possibly with one person trying to row the relationship boat with one oar hoping the other will feel inspired to catch up and commit. Commitment is a decision made up of much smaller...

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I’ve been running Baggage Reclaim since September 2005, and I’ve spent many thousands of hours writing this labour of love. The site has been ad-free the entire time, and it costs hundreds of pounds a month to run it on my own. If what I share here has helped you and you’re in a position to do so, I would love if you could make a donation. Your support is so very much appreciated! Thank you.

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The Emotional Baggage Sessions

The Past is a Guide, Not a Verdict.

Loving, Lasting Relationships Need the Compatibility of Shared Core Values

Why the 50:50 Mentality Falls Short in Romantic Relationships

The Blame Trap Only Ends Up Helping Shady People

‘Keeping the Peace’ Just Might Be Hurting Your Emotional Wellbeing

Uncovering Hidden Anger is Good for Our Self-Worth and Intimate Relationships

We Need to Be Investors, Not Bailiffs, In Our Relationships

About Intense Messaging During the Early Stages of Romantic Relationships

Having Needs and Boundaries Doesn’t Make You a Bad Person

Our Intimate Relationships Require More Honesty and Emotional Availability

Our Intimate Relationships Require Us To Commit To Showing Up

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