Many people who don’t have self-esteem that they can rely on often consider themselves to be keepers of the peace. There’s just one not-so-small problem: their actions destroy their inner peace.
It’s good to be conscientious, and it’s good to strive for harmony. However, it’s not conscientious or harmonious if you hurt yourself or if it doesn’t help maintain the integrity of a relationship.
I’m not saying go around hurting others, which is what we often assume not keeping the peace means. No, don’t try to cup the ocean in your hands. Take care.
We humans are funny. We feel hurt when we hear something we don’t like, even if it’s true or something that will help us do better within a relationship or in general. Often, though, our ego, not us, hurts.
Sometimes, you’ll articulate it well. Also, sometimes you won’t, and this is okay. You are allowed to be human. You can’t silence yourself on the off-chance that some of your words might be wrong. Don’t avoid awkward situations and tricky conversations; they just get bigger in some other painful way. Don’t surrender yourself in an attempt to control the uncontrollable.
For more help with boundaries and saying yes and no more authentically, check out my latest book, The Joy of Saying No.
I’ve been running Baggage Reclaim since September 2005, and I’ve spent many thousands of hours writing this labour of love. The site has been ad-free the entire time, and it costs hundreds of pounds a month to run it on my own. If what I share here has helped you and you’re in a position to do so, I would love if you could make a donation. Your support is so very much appreciated! Thank you.
Copyright Natalie Lue 2005-2025, All rights reserved. Written and express permission along with credit is needed to reproduce and distribute excerpts or entire pieces of my work.
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