In this week’s episode of The Baggage Reclaim Sessions, I’m delving into what has fast become one of my favourite topics–being discerning. In order for us to become more of who we really are, to become available for the relationships and opportunities that we want, and to yes, clear some of the baggage from the past that we’re carrying around, we have to exercise good judgment and that means reducing distractions and being discerning by becoming more mindful about what we say yes to.
>> How getting distracted at, for example, work, by people who ask us, “Got a minute?” or “Can I pick your brain?’ is like when we date people who we know are not suitable for us or who we’re not even interested in.
>> Why, yes, we often know that we need to reduce distractions in order to focus but that deep down we may be afraid of focusing because we’re afraid of committing, and basically of putting our stake in the sand and saying, This is who I am, this is what I’m about, and this is what I want/need.
>> How we’re secretly afraid of our purpose and potential–scared of being seen. We might have secret fears like… What if I’m great? What if it’s hard? What if I screw up? What if I discover something about myself? What if I discover that everything I’ve been telling myself is not true?
>> Why our uncomfortable comfort zone seems to be the safer option because we know it, we think that we’ve got the pain thing figured out and that it couldn’t get much worse, and we’d basically take this over the great unknown where there’s plenty of uncertainty…but also our freedom.
>> How I noticed this pattern amongst everyone I’ve encountered that’s struggling with relationships or some other form of painful problem and it’s that they’re avoiding something and have a or even a few outstanding big decisions.
>> The two questions I explore with clients that give a great deal of insight into what the distraction is a cover for: What was going on in the weeks and months proceeding this situation? It’s often a loss but it can also be the potential of something good. Do you have any outstanding big decisions to be made? Often there’s delay showing up around, for example, a move they need to make logistically or at work, whether to have a family, or even just whether they’re actually going to quit the unavailable relationship track and get on to the committed, mutually fulfilling track.
>> Why unavailable relationships are really just another form of procrastination
>> How commitment is not about knowing all the steps and ins and outs between where you are now and where you want to go–it’s about taking a step, however imperfect it might be, and taking more steps.
>> How we are inadvertently uncommitting ourselves with our distractions and choices.
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