Judging by the amount of interest in emotionally unavailable men, it is clear that most women have had some experience of being with a guy that blows hot and cold. This inconsistent behaviour means that as long as you’re with him, you are thrown into a cycle of inconsistency as you deal with the drama, the highs and lows, and the uncertainty. If you’re with a man who is emotionally unavailable (Mr Unavailable), it is rarely a good indicator of things to come. But why do they blow hot and cold?
They love the thrill of the chase. Men that turn on the hot and cold tap of attention have limited attention spans. They are quick out the gate in hot pursuit but as soon as they feel like they don’t have to chase anymore, you lose your shiny exterior. There is no incentive for them to throw all of their energy at you.
They are too cowardly to admit that they are not ready for a relationship. Instead they just p*ss off and withdraw and then blow hot when you kick up a fuss about their poor behaviour…or they need some sex or attention.
They like toying with you. There are some guys out there that like nothing more than to play cat and mouse with you. Clearly screwed up, they get a kick out of reeling you in, wining, dining, and maybe even sixty-nining you…only for them to stop calling, being obnoxious, or just plain ignoring you.
They can’t commit, whether it’s to being with you…or without you. You ask them to step up to the plate and be with you properly and they flake out and start protesting how they’re not ready. So you walk away and they keep calling you periodically, emailing, and texting, never quite getting out of your life. Be careful of becoming a Yo-Yo Girl...
They are very focused on short term benefits. They get sex and attention without casting an eye to the future and how they are screwing with your mind. They’ll also fake a future to get what they want.
They are undecided about you but like keeping you on ice. They’re like dogs in mangers…they’re not sure they want you but they don’t want anyone else to have you so they hog up your life and keep you as an option whilst trying to ensure that you think of them as your only option.
And occasionally, they are so overwhelmed with love that it scares the crap out of them...But that is a rarity and their behaviour shows that they have issues that are counterproductive to having a healthy relationship. After all, running away from someone whom you profess to be crazy about is hardly normal and is not a healthy way to build the foundations of your relationship!
Because they blow hot, you end up wondering what you’ve done to make them stop.
Because they blow hot, when they blow cold you don’t acknowledge what that means, and instead focus on the fact that you know that they’re capable of blowing hot.
Because they blow hot and then cold, when you call them on it, they either quickly start blowing hot, or tell you to stop being so needy. Often they refuse to acknowledge their poor behaviour.
If you stick around a man that blows hot and cold, eventually he gets the message that he can do what he likes because you’re still there. There’s no more ‘hot’ then…it’s just luke warm or cold as ice…
Remember that the survival of your relationship is dependent on consistencies. Don’t make the mistake of translating ‘he blows hot and cold’ into drama. Men who are genuinely interested in you show that they are consistently. Don’t be with a man who consistently shows that he is incapable of any positive emotional consistency or depth.
Also read my post on The Status Quo which explains how these guys use blowing hot and cold to manage your expectations and keep the relationship in their comfort zone and you fall in sync by creating drama.
My ebook The No Contact Rule is now available to buy and provides a dedicated guide to getting over someone by cutting contact and injecting some boundaries into your life so that you can move on to a happier you. For a no holds barred guide to emotionally unavailable men and the women that love them, you can also get Mr Unavailable & The Fallback Girl.