When you really take the time to get to know you, you will find that as a result of paying attention to your feelings, opinions, needs, expectations and desires, you are not only armed with a great deal of self-knowledge and self-awareness but you have so much more power in your life because you know your own bullsh*t (BS).

As humans, we’re all prone to BS’ng ourselves to lesser and greater degrees but the great thing is that when we know our own and we own it instead of believing it, we are coming from an entirely different level of awareness to somebody who doesn’t acknowledge their self-deception for what it is.

What we have to be careful of when we find ourselves engaging with somebody who lacks self-awareness and connectivity to reality and even consideration of others, is that if we don’t recognise that they just don’t see things the way that we do, we’ll do the equivalent of bashing our head on the table in frustration because we’re trying to make sense out of nonsense. We forget that, for instance, if we have a conscience, empathy, integrity, a need for respect, that a person who doesn’t have those things or certainly doesn’t care about those things, isn’t coming from our perspective and is not going to be inclined to come over to our point of view.

NEVER argue with someone who believes their own lies

I’ve dealt with my fair share of people who believe their own lies – I just don’t even engage anymore. If you take the bait or don’t step back when you realise that they’re smoking way too much crack and living at Deception Projects, you won’t take protective measures and will end up drained out. It’s a misuse of your energy. It’s like when you have one of those ridiculous arguments with a drunk person when you’re sober (or certainly not as inebriated) – complete waste of time! And they keep repeating themselves or they latch on to one word or part of a sentence that you said and go completely off topic and forget what they’ve said and done.

As I said to a friend who has battled serious health issues and her ex is still trying to run rings around her with mind effery and being a general pest because he has access to her via their children, each time she tries to reason with him and appeal to things that he does not have – the empathy, conscience etc., – she’s putting her bucket down an empty well and wondering why it’s coming up empty.

A person cannot give what they don’t have. If they care more about something else, such as ‘winning’ and control, these will always take precedence over things that rank higher for us.

We cannot expect a person who lies to themselves and who lies to others too, to be honest with us.

Why would they? How would they even know that they were being honest when they have not cultivated that within? Their version of truth is so patently different. Some people believe that something is true as long as they believe it. Some people conceal their own feelings and behaviour from themselves and then project it on to others. Some people say the same thing for so long that they believe their own lie and some people play a role for so long that it becomes second nature. Hell, I’ve done it myself. For a long time, I said the same horrible things about me and kept repeating the same stories where I made me the centre of other people’s behaviour. There can be a lot of appeal in deception because it allows a person to remain in their uncomfortable comfort zone, to not open up their mind and face things, and to quite simply avoid being responsible and accountable for their feelings and actions.

We feel bad when people are deceiving themselves because we eventually acknowledge where that’s spilling over into deceiving ourselves and also because we want them to amend their attitude and behaviour so that we can feel better about continue to engage. We’d rather that they came over to ‘our side’ rather than us having to get uncomfortable and take action and yes, acknowledge where we have slipped into BS’ng ourselves.

It’s one of the annoying yet useful aspects of life, that the things that frustrate and hurt us in others tend to reveal where we need to stop doing that same thing with us. With the person who is engaging in self-deception, we want to convince and convert them and basically teach them about how we think things ‘should’ be because we think that if we do that, this will remove our own self-deception. But it won’t. That’s something that we can do it’s just that we resist because to do so might mean stepping back from somebody and something that we think holds the key to our happiness or certainly to a level of peace and validation. But we must not deceive ourselves. We have that key.

Your thoughts?

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