Find and Break Your Pattern

Whatever your pattern is, home in on it, define it and then make the conscious decision to kick the habit. The biggest help to defining your pattern is sitting down with a paper and pen and writing down the characteristics of your partner. You are bound to find a consistent thread to your relationships that is holding you back. Remember that the only way that you can break the pattern is to define it. Take the time to do the paperwork!

Put Yourself on Lockdown

Don’t have sex too soon. It colours the mind and your judgement. The moment that you have sex too soon is the moment that you place yourself in The Justifying Zone, the place we go when we need to justify having sex with him hence we clutch at reasons to stay with them to make it worthwhile. No sex!

Spell Out Your Needs

No need to be a prima donna but you haven’t got time to play the guessing game. If he’s calling you once a week, tell him it’s not acceptable. If he is not making the appropriate effort for the relationship tell him and be straight up, not wishy-washy. Which brings me nicely to…

One Strike and You’re Out

Until you really have shaken the habit, stick to one strike and you’re out. When he does something which clearly shows that he is a Mr Unavailable or is just downright wrong, walk away. Remember that eventually most of the adult population ends up in a relationship so walking away is not the end of life as you know it. The problem with women that love Mr Unavailables is that we don’t know when to walk away.

Easy on the drugs and alcohol

These will impact on your ability to judge a situation or a person. If these have tended to be at the centre of your previous liaisons it would be best to forgo them in the name of adding some balance and objectivity to your relationships.

Stop Worrying About Him, Worry About You

One of the biggest things that hold us back and keep us in these dubious relationships with Mr Unavailables is focusing our attention on worrying about what they think, what they want, what they desire – HIM, HIM, HIM! The reality is that if they were thinking about you, not only would you not be reading this but you wouldn’t be in a relationship with a Mr Unavailable. Be selfish and put you first. If you don’t, you will ALWAYS be on the backfoot and always be unhappy. If we don’t love ourselves, how the hell do we expect to welcome love, and good love at that, into our lives?

Listen to your gut

If your gut says run, run. The problem is that we fail to listen to our guts and allow the brain to rationalise crap behaviour from a partner and justify our choices. If you don’t listen to your gut, you’re ignoring the core of yourself.

Do New Things

Break old habits and do new things. If you’re used to doing certain things that have contributed to your dubious relationships, stop doing them and don’t fall off the wagon. If you do fall off the wagon, get back on it – don’t succumb to your own bad choices.

Get Happy

If you’re self esteem is low, the addition of a guy will only be a temporary fix. You owe it to yourself to have good self esteem so that you attract positive relationships and interactions into your life. It is difficult to operate from a positive place when your self esteem is low.

 

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