When it comes to dating, we find it difficult to listen to ourselves. This is despite the fact that we’re either in the presence of a stranger or even if we know them somewhat, we don’t have romantic relationship experience with them.

If anything, these two things should, in theory, make it easier to call a spade a spade.

After all, if we’re registering that something doesn’t feel right, or we don’t like who or what they’re about, or we do, but we don’t like the accompanying red flags or would like them to change ABC to XYZ, it’s the perfect time to opt out. We have no skin in the game, so no real investment.

Let me say it again: We don’t know them. They’ve said or done something that indicates incompatibility. Or, our responses communicate that this isn’t a fit. That we’re possibly playing out a pattern.

Opting out from the bad vibes or red flags in the early stages of dating is the optimal time.

We’ve been given the opportunity to utilise information that profoundly impacts the future health and wealth of the relationship, as well as our wellbeing.

And yet, we hang about. And it’s this vacillating, second-guessing, putting the libido or fantasy cart before the compatibility and loving relationship horse that sets the stage for what follows.

After all, if we’d sell ourselves down the river and distrust our judgment for someone we barely know, what will we do when we have more emotional investment, along with having spent more time, energy and effort, under our belt? A bad vibe’s a bad vibe. A red flag is a red flag. What are we so quick to see in this person that we’re not seeing in ourselves? Why rob us to invest trust in a stranger?

To ignore ourselves is to ignore our needs. Sure, we experience specific issues related to the incompatibility, but we’re on the backfoot due to crossing our boundaries early on. It set the stage on a dodgy foundation.

This scarcity mindset that maybe someone we don’t know who is also setting off alarm bells, discomfort, or our pattern of ignoring our needs, values and boundaries is ‘The One’ or could be is harmful. Betting on someone else’s potential while writing off our own and ignoring our boundaries, never leads anywhere good.

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