It’s time for the weekly episode of The Baggage Reclaim Sessions podcast.
The universe seems to be having a bit of a laugh at the moment where it’s throwing me opportunities to stand up for myself. I’d actually written in my journal a while back that I mustn’t be afraid to stand up for myself after looking at some of the overriding themes to issues that I’d encountered with family members. Sometimes, due to the ‘gifts’ that help me write BR, I can see what is behind other people’s behaviour and so I aim for compassion and patience while still being boundaried but you know what? Some people mistake your kindness for weakness and don’t register their own behaviour so that’s why I stood up for myself this week without pussyfooting around it. I sent the many people I hear from a mental fist bump as I did it and share a key lesson from the experience in this week’s episode.
On another note, I’m also headed to San Francisco on Monday for a few days where I’m giving some hands-on help to a BR reader who has struggled to extricate herself from a toxic relationship. It’s the first time I’ve ever done this and am excited by the challenge and the opportunity. I’m going to host a meetup on Tuesday evening so if you’re about, email natalie AT baggagereclaim.co.uk.
Right, here’s what I cover in episode 12:
The 12 weeks of self-esteem torment : It’s that time of the year again when thoughts of Thanksgiving and The Holidays followed by New Year and finally Valentines, cause some of us to give our self-esteem a pounding. | Read more about the 12 weeks of self-esteem torment. Also read more about regret hangovers.
Toxic type: If you have a type and you’re yet to have a healthy relationship with it, it doesn’t make sense to keep going after it. I talk about why having a type is a real blind spot and based on assumptions that don’t stack up in reality plus it’s often about trying to right the wrongs of the past in some way.
Angst over slow text replies: While there are certainly people who slow reply for shady reasons, it doesn’t have to mean something terrible if a person doesn’t reply as quickly as you would like. I offer up some perspective on why some of us aren’t too speedy at replying.
Listener Question – Is it ever OK to fake it in bed? I explain why faking it generally isn’t good sexual business.
What Nat Learned This Week: Standing up to somebody who kept trying to cross my boundaries at my daughters’ school has been rather liberating and a lesson in knowing when to fold. There was no need for me to be open to this carry-on anymore
You can listen to this podcast below. If you enjoy the show, please subscribe. If you’re new to podcasts, find out more about what they are and how to subscribe with this handy guide.
Subscribe on Apple Podcasts | Spotify | Android
Leave a comment or post on Facebook and please do subscribe. If you know someone who would enjoy it, please help spread the word. It all helps! Listener questions can be emailed to podcast AT baggagereclaim DOT com. If there’s a topic you’d love me to talk about, let me know!
Nat xxx
Add to favorites
Ok, my opinion, for what it’s worth: NEVER FAKE IT.
The fact that so many people ARE faking it, in this day and age, speaks to the growing lack of authenticity in our ever-growing “connectedness”.
So, if what is going on between the sheets isn’t working, and you know that you are not going to climax, and maybe even you have lost interest in climaxing, just tap your partner and say, “Hey Babe, for whatever reason, it’s not going to happen for me. I’m ready to stop.” If, after he climaxes and he says to you, “Was it good for you, too?”, and it wasn’t good for you, you have to decide if you want him to help you ”finish” – but remember he is fading fast at that point and will be asleep very shortly – or if you will finish on your own – but if that is your answer then you should be kicking that man to the curb toot sweet. Very few things more frustrating than thwarted orgasms.
Ego? Why worry about ego? Sex should be the most ego-less moment between healthy partners. But I know that it isn’t. Women get all wrapped up in trying to be the easy-to-please sex goddess, and they lie to men all the time, creating men who are clueless about how to please a woman. I do wish women would stop lying. Stop being so afraid to say that his sex is doing nothing for you. Just recently I read a quote from mixed-martial-arts pro Ronda Rousey that said “Women should never need lube. If you are reaching for lube, it’s because you’ve got a lazy partner.” Right on, Ronda!
Another reason women lie is because they are with men who have NO interest in a woman’s sexual pleasure, and the woman makes excuses for it by deciding it is HER fault that she can’t climax.
Every time HE climaxes, YOU should climax too. Not saying it should be simultaneous – that is (mostly) movie fantasy….not saying it never happens, but it should not be the goal. I think most women are getting in bed with a man who is in it for himself. It’s a painful realization that the man you are crazy about will never think to give you sexual pleasure without taking his own.
Matter of fact, just last night I was binge-watching Outlander, and the scene where handsome Jaime gives the heroine sexual pleasure, she balks and asks to “feel” him, but he declines by saying he just “wants to watch the pleasure in her face”…….man that was hot…. and that is what I require from the next man I bed. I want him to feel that way about me.
I’ve had decent sex my whole life, but great sex with only two men, both who actually got pleasure from giving pleasure. That is a super fantastic thing! The worst sex I’ve had have been with the two handsomest men I’ve known – they gave absolutely NO pleasure, and could not be coaxed or cajoled into being more giving.
Sex is not always about “love”, I know that. But it is about vulnerability. That is a very vulnerable moment, even if it is with a one-night-stand. One should want to be COMPLETELY honest about your sexuality when the moment of sex is occurring. So, when it isn’t working for you, just say “Hey, this isn’t working for me. I want to stop.” It might lead to an open conversation. Or it might not. But at least you can end the torture of bad sex with honesty.
I have decided that I have zero tolerance for boring sex. I don’t care how handsome he is, I no longer aim to be validated by his outward appearance. I will ask detailed questions from here on out, BEFORE we ever do the deed. Nothing better than great sex between people who are really comfortable with each other.