It’s time for another episode of The Baggage Reclaim Sessions.
In episode 39, I cover:
Are you afraid to take time off?: I’m in Amsterdam visiting my brother at the moment and it’s reminded me about the need to take time off to recharge your batteries. I speak to so many people pleasers who are afraid of taking time off and using their holiday allowance and I talk about some of the key reasons including Imposter Syndrome. Episode 2: What’s The Baggage Behind It?
Being in love with being in love: If every or most people you’ve dated or been in a relationship with have felt like the possible ‘one’ or that you want to pursue a relationship with them, it’s a good time to check in with you about whether you sometimes want the relationship or ‘the feeling’ more than the person themselves.
Just so we’re all clear, it’s okay to miss people you no longer want in your life Graduation Goggles: I heard this term in an episode of How I Met Your Mother and it’s when you get hit by nostalgia just as you’re about to move on.
Listener Question: Ivana wants to know how to distinguish between boundaries and ego.
What I Learned This Week: When I set expectations with others, I can set expectations with myself.
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Nat xxx
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Thank you so much for putting boundaries/ego relation into perspective!
Wow. This spoke directly to me. ‘It is okay to miss people you no longer want in your life.’ How can I possibly miss someone who did nothing but demean me? What could that possibly be about? It is such a relief to know that those feelings are somewhat ‘normal’. After all of the emotional abuse, the lines get so blurry sometimes.
I’ve been lurking for the last 6 months, knowing things were pretty awful but unable to understand it all. I finally gathered up the guts to tell him ‘I don’t want to live with you anymore’ on the 1st. New month, new me I suppose. This was a 6 year live together relationship that had been spiraling down into a pit for the last 1-1/2 years. It finally came to a point where I realized that I was actually frightened of him. The bizarre behavior he had been exhibiting was nothing like the man I had lived with for 5 years. But something changed. The crazy-making started. I kept trying to make sense of behavior that made no sense.
BR has been such a lifeline for me. Thank you all.
dragonfly,
How could you miss someone who treated you badly? Because you are human and someone took advantage of your basic need to relate.
As Natalie states, it IS okay to miss people you don’t have contact with anymore. Perfectly fine. But, alas, things change. That is the only constant in life.
I’d like to point out, I have three female friends that are in happy, healthy long term monogamous mutually respectful relationships with great guys. Though they all met differently, there are some common themes. All the women have their own lives, hobbies, work and identities completely unrelated to nor concerned with finding, keeping, or seducing a man. Each woman has plenty of self-esteem (even if they did not get that from their family of origin), assertiveness, and personal security in their own self-developed identity. And here is the most common thread I see in these happy couples in both the women and men: a refusal to relate to the world on superficial terms. In other words they don’t judge themselves harshly via cultural beauty standards nor unrealistic consumptive lifestyle standards promoted by irresponsible media. In short, they are just simply thoughtful, strong people who care.