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In this week’s episode of The Baggage Reclaim Sessions I talk about those moments in life where you hear yourself and see something so loud and clear that, even though you don’t know where it’s going to lead, you listen and take action.
>> A close friend who woke up one morning four years ago and knew that she had to end her relationship. She sometimes doubted her choice, especially when the subsequent attempts at online dating proved to be a blowout, but then she did meet the guy who would go on to become her husband.
>> Why having an I started so I’ll finish attitude is bad all round for everyone involved in the decision, not just us.
>> How and why we ignore signs that we’re unhappy including hoping that things will get better or just quite simply being afraid to start over, which can result in us falling out of like with ourselves.
>> The reality that the circumstances in which we originally made a decision can and do change and we have to make the best decision that we can with the information that we have at the time–we have to bet on ourselves.
>> Why we don’t have to hang everything on this one decision because there’s many paths and more up ahead.
>> Why decisions are about commitment including deciding what our intentions and needs are, and how we have to decide with a limited amount of information and do our best to listen to ourselves and bet on us.
>> Two relationships that I ended where it might have initially seemed like these were bad decisions because I wasn’t in a better relationship afterwards, but they were the prelude to starting Baggage Reclaim and meeting Em.
>> Why we’ve got to repeat what works, not what doesn’t and that listening to ourselves takes practice.
>> Why when we’re ready to hear (or see), we’ll hear and it’s the culmination of lots of niggling thoughts giving us the big insight, the big message, but if we keep stalling on making the decisions we need to make (because we’re afraid of making a bigger decision about the next step of our life), life will come along and force us to make the decisions.
>> And…the big decision I’ve made about this being the last episode of the podcast.
>> The right decision doesn’t always feel good
>> I Am 40
>> Why we can’t sit on the fence about our decisions
>> Podcast about bereavement and also here
Over the course of 99 episodes, I’ve tried to encourage listeners to rate the show on iTunes because it’s difficult to be very visible on iTunes if you don’t have a juggernaut behind you, so rating and reviewing the show goes a long way. It takes just a few seconds and you can add a short note if you like. Even though this is the last episode, helping to spread the message of the show still matters, so if you can take a few moments, I’d really appreciate it —how-to guide here.
Thank you!
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Natalie, I woke up this morning checking iTunes if you uploaded a new episode, and was super happy. Then I read the episode description. ?
I feel bad you’re stopping the podcast but I understand. Thank you for teaching us through your podcast. There were so many days I’d play your podcast while doing chores on the weekend and also during my commute to work and back home. Like many of your readers and listeners, there were days your episodes were uploaded the same time I was in a similar situation.
I’d like to just repeat that I will miss your podcast, but I also look forward to your next move.
Thank you for 99 episodes.
Will we still be able to access the old ones? Hope so.
Thanks for 99 episodes, Natalie. They have been really helpful to me, especially on Saturday mornings and at difficult moments. To me you sound different now: at ease, calmer, stronger. Inspiring move you’re making. Enjoy writing!
Thanks for all the great podcasts!
I’ll admit, I wasn’t so sure about them when you first began. Bu they grew on me and I ended up loving them and looking forward to them.
Good luck in what you decide to do next!!!
PS
I laughed so hard at the UFO stuff!!
Well this is depressing news! I’ve listened to all of your podcasts from the beginning and often share them with people. Of course I understand where you are coming from, and you’ve got to do what’s right for you, but I’m bummed. Another good thing ends – as they all do. That’s life for you.
Best of luck with your future plans, Natalie. I will continue to follow your blog. I’m a writer too, so I completely get the “writer’s have to write” thing. Still – yours is the only podcast I’ve ever listened to, and I look forward to it every week. I will miss it.
Also, I didn’t used to have any superstitious about Friday the 13th, but considering that Nat’s podcast died on that day, I may have to rethink that… Seriously, you don’t know how much I loved this podcast. It was something I looked forward to each week, like having a really smart, insightful friend just sharing some life wisdom over coffee once a week. Very authentic and helpful. Friday the 13th!!! I also made the mistake of getting my hair cut yesterday -big mistake. She took off twice as many inches as I asked her to. I was so shocked when she spun the chair around that I didn’t know what to say.
Wow. Ive never commented but been a silent listener for a few years and I need to say I’ve been thoroughly helped by these podcasts! I too was born in 77′ yet I’m still single and no kids yet but I truly think I needed to “learn some things” before moving forward anymore in “something new” as far as relationships. I’m sad to see you go but understand. We truly have some commonalities that I won’t go into here but the help I’ve received from your honesty and vulnerability has been immense for me. I’ve enjoyed your writings too. I also recently listened to “professor Life” making some serious drastic changes so I’ll be a silent sojourner with you, just in another arena. There is so much more if like to say but lets get busy living!
Thank you for everything you’ve shared!
I want to thank you. You have helped me grow so much, your stories and your teachings have served me personal growth and connected the dots that I was unable to do alone. 33 years angry, lost heart broken and hung up dealing with my hurts and hang ups of abandonment and fear from my father and passed thru many past relationships. I’ve lost my father June 28th and just 2 weeks ago. Broke of my 2 year relationship /engagement. You have been my strength for several years and my backbone these last 2 weeks. I hope that these podcasts will still be available for us to listen too. I know I need this and I’m sure many others do to. Your blogs are wonderful but times your voice is stronger suiting in the moment.
Natalie, Again, I thank you so much for sharing your time with me and many others. I’m sadden to hear of the news. Putting my selfishness aside. I wish you well, I have no doubt that your path will lead you where your heart needs to be. You deserve only the best. I respect you for having the courage to pull out.
Lots of love and respect to you Natalie.
Hi Natalie
I just want to thank you so much for sharing all your time, knowledge and care on your website and podcasts……as one of the men who read your great work! Your timing into my world has been perfect and after my committing to my own analysis work for many years and it has been great to have the podcast ‘good woman friend’ chats as a means of support as I continued to address my own childhood baggage. Thank you.
Yes it’s sad that this is your final podcast – but it wasn’t a surprise given the feeling tone of last few months and as you say it’s time it’s all about timing and feels right.
Good luck and I’m sure you will be a success in everything you do
Tony
Hi Natalie
I’ve been away for a while, so missed the whole podcast-era, I just listened to ep 99 and it made me feel so much better and safer about the way that my life is going and the decisions that I’ve got coming up. Will listen to the others when I get chance, but thanks for everything you’ve done on the blog and otherwise, I think you might’ve saved my sanity back in 2011.
Good luck with whatever you do next, I’m sure it’ll be fab!
How’ve you been, Yoghurt? I remember your story well! The baby, the ex, the ex’s young girlfriend… 🙂 And I remember always feeling inspired by your growing self confidence and supported by your warm kindness. I hope you’ve been taking care of yourself!!! Many hugs
Aw! That’s lovely, thank you! I didn’t think anyone would remember me, I was just always grateful at how nice everyone was when I came on to rant and cry. It was an dark and awful part of my life, I’m so glad that Natalie and everyone else was here.
Me and mini-Yog – although not so mini now that he’s now nearly seven!!! – are doing fine. There was more drama in the works with the ex which I suspect I had to put myself through it to know for sure, but in the end I realised that it all just made me feel awful and I couldn’t really be bothered with it. Still sometimes appreciate the freedom.
I remember you too, although not your story (sorry! You must have an amazing memory!) Hope you’re doing well and taking care of yourself too xxx
@Yoghurt-
Well, it sounds like you have found peace – I’m so happy! I’ve been doing well! Hopefully graduating with my PhD next summer. I haven’t found a relationship yet, but I continue to read BR for guidance in the terrifying world of dating. Blessings to you and 7-yr-old-Yog.
Thank you so much for your lovely 99 episodes. You always teach me so much, Natalie. I can’t wait to see where your writing takes you next.
Thanks, Natalie, for the wonderful podcasts which have been so helpful and lately a core part of my exercise regime (healthy mind, healthy body). Thank you also for this amazing site which I’ve been visiting since 2011. I look forward to your future written posts and books. Are you considering paperback as well as digital copies?
I too was initially nervous of the change in format when the podcasts came along but I think they gave the site a fresh burst at that time. It’s always good to keep changing things up and challenging yourself so you don’t get stuck.
All the best xxx
I agree that the podcasts provided something new. They are more personal than a written text somehow. Also, I work at a laptop all day, so it was nice to have something of quality to listen to while doing housework or taking a walk. I will have to find a new podcast to replace the loss of this one… Does anyone know of one? I liked Natalie’s podcast because it seemed so real and authentic. It’s not like some podcasts I’ve heard before where it just sounds like a talking head that’s been produced by some money grabber. Nat’s podcast has that direct, clear voice that also comes through in her books and blog (which I’m also a big fan of).
Nothing I’ve ever read or listened to has helped me more with thinking about relationship issues than Nat’s blog and podcast. I wish I had had them 20 years ago! I also loved The Dreamer and the Fantasy Relationship… That was 100% me for most of my life.
Natalie,
I want to thank you for all of the time and hard work you’ve put into these podcasts. You’ve benefitted so many people and I’m sure I speak for all when I say we’ll miss hearing you.
However, I’m happy that you’ve made a good decision for you and I look forward to reading more of your work in the future. This last episode has also made me realise just how badly I need to call time on my current work and living situation, so thank you for that! Just what I needed to hear.
Let’s all look forward to happier times ahead!
Natalie,
I too will really miss your podcasts. Thanks for producing them, and best of luck in your next phase. If it ever feels right to you to come back, I know lots of us will be excited to tune in again.
Is there any chance that you would consider a written version of ‘why did we break up’?
Natalie, I just wanted to comment because you have helped me so much over the last couple years. Ever since I found your blog and podcasts, I say to myself: ‘What would Natalie do?’. The topics you discuss and have clearly put so much thought into have helped me to see things in my life that I just never ‘got’ before. You have helped me feel much less alone during a time when I was going through something few other people could understand, much less help me with. Your mantra about treating oneself with love, care, trust, and respect is something I have taken to heart and I’m so so grateful that you have done all this great work and put it out there for others to learn from. I wish you well in your future projects, and I wish you weren’t quitting the podcast, but I am looking forward to see what you do next!
Life really did force me to make a decision on myself. My jobs so far were practically like the EUM relationship. One day after the umpteenth problem of not getting my needs met, I just said fuck this, and gave my two weeks. There are other issues (finding another job for ex) but I grew as a person and rediscovered myself. I don’t know where I’ll end up but it’s much better than stagnating in a job that isn’t fulfilling.
Hi Natalie,
Thank you for all the wonderful podcasts. I always looked forward to my weekend long runs as I would have a “therapy” session with your podcasts. When you had stated last week that it would be your last episode, I felt sad, but was glad to hear you were honoring yourself. That is the advice you give listeners/readers is to be true to yourself.
There are no words to express the amount of gratitude I have when I found your blog, books, and podcasts. I have become (and continue to work on) the person I always envisioned myself to be. I am stronger, calmer, more balanced, and stable. I treat myself with love, care, trust, and respect. I have worked very hard on this transformation and I have you to thank for showing me the way.
I look forward to what lies ahead!
Thank you, Natalie! I’m just one more person your words helped a lot.
The story goes on for everyone of us. We all have our blank pages to complete even though we don’t know yet the words.
Wish you joy, inspiration and clarity on your journey!
Aww, will miss your podcasts.
Thank you 🙂
Dear Natalie,
Thank you so very much for your podcasts. From the very beginning I caught onto it and I think episode 2 is still one of my favorites and I relisten whenever I need- and it’s quite often!
The insights that I have gained along with your book can’t be measured. It’s the understanding that I finally received on basic human psychology through your views and angles and simple explanations, that empowered me to shift my perspective. I’m by far a less confused and a happier human being than in 2014 when I discovered your blog!!
Thank you for all you have done and know that you have truly changed my life to the better!!
I will miss the podcasts- I already do but completely understand that it’s not working for you anymore.
Wishing you the very best on your journey and hope that you keep sharing your wisdom.
(((Hugs)))
This is Quite amazing .. thanks for sharing
Hi Nat
I just wanted to say thank you for your wonderful insightful podcasts. I am already really missing them. I looked forward to Fridays and would listen to them in the night over and over when I couldn’t sleep!
Good luck and thank you so much for helping me through some very dark times. I hope you keep the old podcasts available.
Sarah x
I understand and I wish you the best. You were my savior during a really dark time in my Life. Where many site’s blame the person who hurts, you taught me how to take responsibility for my behaviour. If I had not come across your website I would never have come to understand so much about myself. Thank you, thank you. You’ve opened my eyes.
Thank you so much for this podcast. Finding it was divine intervention as I hadn’t logged onto your sight in a couple of years. And when I did, here it was. I had just had the blow up fight that ended my relationship of 5 years. I was feeling really sad and starting to doubt my decision when i stumbled across your podcast. I listened to it and realized that my decision was right. Whenever I have doubts, I re-listen to this podcast. It’s keeping me accountable for my decision. Thank you so much.
Dear Natalie,
In January 2017 I somehow discovered your blog and podcast on Mr Unavailables & Assclowns (by googling broken heart I think) and your concepts resonated so strongly with me. They gave me insights into this really agonizing relationship (even though purely platonic) I was in for two years that I just couldn’t understand. It allowed me to see I was not alone in these struggles and to analyze how it happened. Consequently, I have been No Contact since 27Feb which has helped me regain my self-esteem and find a new direction. Goodness knows how far I could have hurt myself if I hadn’t snapped out of my dark place by reading and listening to your great advice. I have never heard this topic dealt with by the mainstream psychologists or self-help gurus in quite the same, accessible way as you have.
So I am eternally grateful to you and wish you the best on your writing and new endeavors! You are setting a good example for us by trusting your inner voice on the timing and what your true needs are. I’m traveling with a clean new backpack now, thanks very much to you!
Dear Natalie,
Thank you so much for this podcast. I actully met you on soundcloud. You helped me keep my sanity while I was going through my first break up.
Thank you from the bottom of my heart. I will certainly miss your podcast.