You’ve met someone, you’ve been on a date or few, and at some point, you start to think about exclusivity – knowing that the other party isn’t shopping around and dividing up their dating schedule between you and someone else. While the reason you may be broaching this subject is because things are going great and you just want to be doubly sure that you’re both on the same page, equally, in listening to people’s stories, it seems that many people use broaching the subject of exclusivity or even defining the relationship talks, to clarify that they are the only person who is getting crumbs. In my first video in absolutely ages, I explain what these discussions are really for and why it shouldn’t be about, ‘I know you’re treating me in a less than manner but I just want to confirm that it’s only me that’s getting this treatment. Reassure me that there isn’t somebody else getting a better version of you…’ Enjoy!
- Dating is a discovery phase
- If you don’t actually know the person, why are you trying to define a relationship?
- People unfold
- You don’t need to convince, coerce and convert
- Dating isn’t about auditioning and expending excessive emotional, mental, and physical energy trying to work out if you can be the right person for them. What about you?
- Exclusivity isn’t the same as being in a relationship. Certainly in the early stages of involvement, it’s actually clarification about the existence of others so that if you do proceed, you can make an informed decision. Once you get clear about the distinction, if you do need to broach the subject, you can minimise confusion.
- Make sure that you’re not using these discussions to override your own thoughts, feelings, needs, expectations, and wishes, out of fear of listening to you and heeding information that you already know. Listen to you.