I know a lot of people that have sex whilst dating and whilst it’s different strokes for different folks, the majority of what I hear from people who do this is that it complicates things and sometimes ruins it. If it’s worked for you, great, don’t bother to read this, but if you think that something is going awry with your dating, keep reading.

1. Connect mentally first before you connect physically

Some people can have great sex with people that they’e barely known a hot minute, but for most folk, the more at ease, the better they know someone, the better the physical connection, the better the sex. If you are dating with a view to finding a potential partner for a relationship then sex shouldn’t be the primary thing on the agenda.

2. Put the libido on the backburner

Lust and libido cloud judgment. Fact. Everything will feel great when your body is sizzling, but what are you missing and what about afterwards? In our quest to cement the meeting in the bedroom, we often sit on dates ignoring very clear red flag behaviour, or at the very least, things that should raise a question mark. Instead we shag first, think later.

3. Avoid The Justifying Zone

The Justifying Zone (TJZ) is that slippery slope that you spend your time on after you sleep with someone too soon. You need to justify the decision to sleep with him to yourself so that you feel that you have a genuine reason for sleeping with them and for also continuing to put energy into the relationship. The Justifying Zone enables you to find reasons and loopholes to keep flogging a dead horse. Sometimes women find themselves on this slippery slope without even having had sex because instead of focusing on the orgasmic time, they focus on that first few weeks when they thought that they had an amazing connection and that he was Mr Wonderful. Hence TJZ prevents you from staying in reality and let’s you dine off the potential of your imagination.

4. Avoid ‘accidental’ one night stands and becoming someone’s booty call

You think that it’s the start of something wonderful when you get naked whereas he has already decided to hit the road – he just hasn’t mentioned it. Or his ego decides that you slept with him too soon so you’re only good enough for casual sex and you become a booty call. Either way, it’s not good and if you keep the legs closed longer, you’ll quickly suss out who’s just in it for the sex and who actually wants to get to know you with a view to a relationship.

5. If you build castles in the sky, you build attachment

Not all women get emotional about sex but many do. I’m not saying that men don’t but they are more hardwired to be able to screw without attachment of any kind. It’s undeniable that many women do get high off the ‘drug’ of sex and start wondering about the future of the relationship or thinking that he’s the best thing since sliced bread. Certain people are more predisposed to feeling a disproportionate sense of attachment when they have sex, which sets them up for a fall.

6. A half decent guy isn’t going to get his boxers in a twist if you don’t ‘put out’

A guy that wants to get to know you with a possibility of going beyond dating doesn’t put the focus on the sex. The guy that keeps going on about sex or trying to get you in the sack, or push you for ‘everything but’ doesn’t scream prospective boyfriend.

Yes there are some wankers out there that would stick around for you to put out and then leave, but they’ll do it no matter when you sleep with them, which is why I always suggest that you take off your rose tinted glasses and be very alert when you start dating someone, so that you can protect yourself as much as possible. But remember, the guy that really likes you will want to get to know YOU, not just the length and breadth of your vagina.

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