In this week’s episode of The Baggage Reclaim Sessions, I revisit the question that’s central to reclaiming ourselves: what’s the baggage behind it? I share how I learned to stop taking responsibility for other people’s baggage and how that led me to learn how to own my own stuff so that I could liberate myself with healthier boundaries.
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Nuggets From The Episode
- My acupurist and mentor Silvio Andrade taught me to say “That’s not mine; that’s theirs, and I’m sending it right back” whenever I took on other people’s behaviour. Rather than self-blame or remaining stuck in anger, I stopped allowing myself to be dumped on.
- Before we blame ourselves for who someone is, we need to step back. Do they have their own personality, character, resources, level of abundance, circumstances and backstory? Yep, six reasons right there that explain who they are and what they’re about.
- We don’t have the right to demand another version of someone just because we think we’ve made a lot of effort, that we don’t deserve it or that we haven’t done anything wrong.
- We only avoid saying no and stick to well-honed but nonetheless annoying patterns because of our emotional baggage. Only reason. If we think avoiding no and boundaries is how to be a nice, kind, generous, loving person, then that’s our baggage speaking for us anyway.
- Considering the existence of other people’s emotional baggage isn’t about absolving them or us finding another reason not to have boundaries. It’s so that we are more truthful about what’s going on instead of making it about us.
Links mentioned in this episode
- Triggered? What’s the baggage behind it? (ep 2)
- What’s with all the life lessons, Professor Life (ep 89)
- Why we keep thinking about something even though we don’t want to (ep 230)
- Yes isn’t a ‘clean’ word if it’s not authentic (ep 199)
- Inverted narcissism – delusions of inferiority – delusions (ep 235 )
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Are you ready to stop silencing and hiding yourself in an attempt to ‘please’ or protect yourself from others? My book, The Joy of Saying No: A Simple Plan to Stop People Pleasing, Reclaim Boundaries, and Say Yes to the Life You Want (Harper Horizon), is out now.
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