What if part of our growth, happiness and healing (and that of others), is letting go when a relationship stands in the way of this? How differently would we view breakups or recognising incompatibility? All too often, we tend to internalise the letting go of a relationship as a ‘failure’ or ‘rejection’. It’s as if letting go of a relationship is wrong, period. This mentality causes us to stay in relationships long past their sell-by-date. We accept crumbs or try to force the person and the relationship to be something they aren’t. Or, we blend, morph and adapt, becoming a shadow of our former selves to ‘get’ the relationship we want.
Wanting the highest good for ourselves and others means that sometimes we have to make decisions that don’t feel great right now, but that immediately shift us on to a path where we experience something more reflective of who we really are. We honour what we need, desire and deserve. This opens us up to a relationship where we’ll experience mutual love, care, trust and respect.
Sometimes, we’re immersed in clinging to the wrong relationship or beating ourselves up and insisting that something that didn’t work out should have. It makes us overlook, miss and discard signs and opportunities right in front of us. We pass up career opportunities, a loving relationship, personal development, moves, friendships and even opportunities to address our health.
We get too caught up in fighting ourselves or even the other person for how we think things ‘should’ be. We won’t let go because we want another shot at making things live up to the picture we’ve painted in our mind. This can lead to us trying to prove ourselves or ‘win’. There’s also a fear that this person might become a better person in a better relationship. Unfortunately, we hold on tight while stopping us from being a better person in any relationship.
Our relationships help us to heal, grow and learn. Recognising that we’re not compatible with someone or accepting that the relationship can’t continue doesn’t mean that we’re a failure. It’s not a rejection of us.
If in spite of the pain and fear of letting go, we can try to see beyond it and recognise what the experience is showing us about what we need, who we are or, yes, where we were selling ourselves short, we won’t make it so personal. Relationships, then, romantic and otherwise, are learning vehicles that bring us to higher levels of intimacy and, of course, love, care, trust and respect.
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