“Would you like to dance?”, he asks.
“No thank you”, she replies.
“Why not?”

Guys pose this question when they don’t get the answer that they want to hear when trying to get the attentions of a woman. As a general guide, women don’t want to have to explain why they don’t want to acknowledge, talk to, dance with etc., a guy who has approached them while they are out. Now let me break something to any guy that is doing the whole ‘Why not?’ thing.

If you’re guilty of this, it’s time you realised that you have no idea who this woman is. I’m also loathe to believe that a woman who has politely said no to your request is going to have you sobbing in the toilets. If that’s affecting you beyond the short-term, you need to spend time understanding why your ego and self-esteem is so reliant on what a woman does or doesn’t do.

When a woman says NO, take that as exactly what she means. Many women struggle with No Guilt. We are trained from childhood to feel bad about declining even the most unreasonable and even illegal requests. We lose our no and become women who say yes too much aka People Pleasers. This is how we end up dating, sleeping with and even engaged to people who we don’t truly love or even like. We feel obliged to say yes because we’ve been asked.

I’m not suggesting that women should be rude but no is no and if they were polite when they said no and you come back with, “Why not?”, it’s understandable if you spark an irritable response.

I wish more women would say no and I also wish women would stop overexplaining themselves as if they have to qualify their no. What I also wish is that men (and women) would stop expecting that women should justify their reasons for saying no.

It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to work out why a person doesn’t want to talk to or dance with you – because they don’t want to. Their reasons for not wanting to may be superficial, may be based on a snap judgement or precluding factors but whatever their reasons are, those reasons are theirs.

If women had to explain to every Tom, Dick and Harry why they don’t want to dance, don’t want to talk them, don’t want to whatever it is you are asking, they would never be able to just be and enjoy their social outings.

“Why not?”, comes across as facetious. If you say this, your cards will be marked as pushy and a pain in the arse. I understand that rejection isn’t nice for anybody but this is an example of where we as humans take the whole rejection sensitivity too far. A stranger saying no is not rejecting you; they’re saying no. They don’t even know you and there could be umpteen reasons for it without it crossing into being something wrong with you.

I’ve listened to guys moan about how this woman and that woman wouldn’t give them the time of day. There is no God given rule that because a guy has done a bit of ‘Ib, dib, sky, blue’ and zeroed in on a woman, that she has to give him the time of day. They think that the fact that they have bestowed their attentions on a woman should mean automatic acceptance regardless of whatever she wants.

These guys that ask this question are behaving like door-to-door sales men that won’t take their foot out of the doorway. When asking a woman a question and it gets the “No” response, it might be a wise idea for men to let go of their ‘sales training’ and stop trying to ‘handle her objection’. Trust me: All she’s objecting to is the fact that the guy is still there, wanting more information from her.

So guys, accept the answer and move on. There is undoubtedly a woman out there that will say yes and when she does, it’s exactly what she means and you don’t have to ask silly questions about her answer and look like a dick, which can only mean good things.

FavoriteLoadingAdd to favorites