In this week’s episode of The Baggage Reclaim Sessions, I revisit the topic of pressing the ‘reset button’. This is where somebody attempts to reset the relationship to a point they feel most comfortable with by behaving as if the past didn’t happen and attempting to pick up where they’ve decided they left off.

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5 key topics in this episode

  • When someone disappears or mistreats us and then returns or ‘goes back to normal’, it’s easy to fall into the trap of feeling so relieved, validated or wary that we avoid rocking the boat. We don’t want to ruin the mood or scare them off, and this is where we can start to self-gaslight. We might even begin to doubt our recollection of events.
  • In situations where we (or they) act up and then decide not to talk about it, we can’t have it both ways. We can’t expect to create or participate in a situation where our actions and attitude created very real consequences for the other party and the relationship and then decide not to have a conversation but still expect to have an intimate relationship. The consequence of refusing to address the issue is losing connection, intimacy and trust.
  • Sometimes we unintentionally gaslight. In our reluctance to deal with something, we found it easier to pretend that it wasn’t happening or to make out like it was in the other person’s imagination. This kind of malarkey creates doubt and confusion. Gaslighting might not be our intention, but it’s still the consequence.
  • Sometimes we press the ‘reset button’ by acting as if we have to prove ourselves all the time. It’s like going into work each day and acting as if all of our previous experience, knowledge, etc., doesn’t count. In effect, we’re resetting to a lesser identity, one that says we’re ‘not enough’.
  • Remembering the past doesn’t equal bearing grudges!

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