Consistency is one of the five landmarks of healthy relationships, along with balance, commitment, intimacy, and progression. When you have the landmarks, plus you (and they) endeavour to embody the four qualities of a loving partner, you co-create, forge and sustain a mutually fulfilling relationship.

Consistency means actions matching words and aligning with who we say we are and what we’re about. We are intentional more often than not, so who we are reflects our core values.

We need to be able to trust in what we can expect from our relationship and partner. Instability isn’t sexy and can cause us to second guess and harm ourselves. Being consistent doesn’t mean we need to know everything that’s going to happen until the end of time. Nor does it mean that we have to be and do the same things day in day out.

When each party is consistently themselves and shows up to the relationship with love, care, trust and respect, each trusts the other to put the relationship in their hands.

Consistency comes down to responsibility to ourselves and the relationship. It takes vulnerability because consistency creates expectations, and some people are afraid of that. They fear disappointing others, experiencing disappointment, or feeling trapped. Often, in relationships that appear to ‘thrive’ on instability, there’s an underlying fear of ‘boredom’. One or both partners mistake stability for dullness.

We can’t trust people who are consistent at being inconsistent. It’s a head wreck, and we’re mistaking anxiety and fear for ‘chemistry’.

Relationships with the landmark of consistency don’t feature blowing hot and cold, managing down expectations, or that feeling of being on a rollercoaster. Instead, we feel confident about making commitments and expressing our innermost feelings and thoughts in a relationship that’s consistently giving back. Consistency allows each partner to feel safe and secure so they (and the relationship) can flourish. 

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