In episode 50–yeah baby! It’s the big five-o!–I cover:
Getting paid what you’re worth: Earlier this week I wrote about the vicious cycle of undervaluing yourself and I got me thinking about some of the tips I share with people about ensuring that they’re not undervaluing their work and being underpaid. I talk about how whatever you’re afraid to charge/ask for is probably what you need to charge (or certainly close to it), why aiming low screws up negotiations and can leave you seriously on the back foot and significantly underpaid, the importance of deciding on your priorities, and more.
Knowing when to fold: When we get stuck on return on investment, we keep sinking our time, energy, effort and emotions into something that isn’t working. It can also be that we’re investing hard but not smartly, so doing ‘good’ things and feeling like we’re doing a lot, but investing ourselves in the wrong kind of activities and often doing it for the wrong reasons. I talk about sunk costs, why what you’re prepared to invest doesn’t equate to what someone will do, The Justifying Zone, trying to control the uncontrollable, having a gambling mentality and why it’s not a good idea to imprison you in a situation in the hopes of making things ‘pay off’.
Means goals versus end goals: Ever found yourself doing things because it’s what society says makes a person happy or because it’s what a friend or family member expects of you? These won’t make you as happy (or happy at all) because they’re means goals or what I call mean goals (they’re mean to you because they’re based on shoulds rather than authentic wants). | The app I refer to is Blinkist (note that it’s mentioned because I like it and I’m not affiliated with them) and the book that I read the cliff notes of where the author talked about mean goals is The Code of The Extraordinary Mind.
Listener Question: Tanya has had the same group of very toxic friends since her boarding school days and it’s demolishing her self-esteem and she’s looking for guidance on how to overcome these toxic friendships.
What I Learned This Week: I know I’m not alone in having worried about being like my parents and this week, a surge of shame has actually taught me that I don’t need to worry about that so much.
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Listener questions can be emailed to podcast AT baggagereclaim DOT com and if there’s a topic you’d love me to talk about, let me know!
Dear Natalie, I can’t thank you enough for your wonderful blog! I used to read a lot and your helped me so much, I managed to rid of my two ACs:) I am single for two years now and not looking. Happy with myself and my 6 years old child x
Scarab
on 26/09/2016 at 3:56 pm
I agree, Natalie you have been a life saver. When I realized that I could no longer stay in a relationship in which none of my needs were being met I prayed for help in figuring out how to end it and somehow ended up on baggage reclaim. I am eternally grateful for everything I have learnt about ending unhealthy relationships and recognizing healthy ones. The bitterest lesson has been learning to let go of all my worldly possessions which I had left in the care of the AC EUM with the understanding that once I was settled in my new job in another country, he would send them to me. It has been over a year now and he has done nothing. I often ask myself how he sleeps at night knowing that I am taking care of the baby we had together and still having to spend more money buying household items while he surrounds himself with items stolen from me and contributes nothing to the baby’s care and upbringing. I have been NC with him since April then I broke NC for a couple of weeks to maintain low contact since we have a child together. In the beginning of the low contact he blew hot for a few weeks, pretending to want to participate in his daughter’s life and also promising to organize for my possessions to be delivered to me. Then he went cold and I haven’t heard from him since. I have reinstituted NC and I will not break it for any reason including trying to get my stuff back but it pains me to think that even after becoming the mother of his child, he would still steal from me. Truth be told, he did show signs of thieving early on in the relationship. He stole money from my wallet countless times. Since I was in the justifying zone, rather than acknowledge this for the red flag that it was, I bought a safe. Every evening when I returned home from work, I would keep my purse in the safe so as to keep it “safe” from him and the days I forgot he sure took the opportunity to take whatever he could find. Despite this, I stayed with him for 7 years thinking he would eventually see the error of his ways and change. Also, I was afraid to be alone. Until I listened to this podcast, I was planning to organize a trip to go to his country to collect my stuff myself but I think I will take Natalie’s advice and believe that somehow what I have lost will be returned to me in other ways. A very costly lesson in time and money.
I’ve been running Baggage Reclaim since September 2005, and I’ve spent many thousands of hours writing this labour of love. The site has been ad-free the entire time, and it costs hundreds of pounds a month to run it on my own. If what I share here has helped you and you’re in a position to do so, I would love if you could make a donation. Your support is so very much appreciated! Thank you.
Copyright Natalie Lue 2005-2025, All rights reserved. Written and express permission along with credit is needed to reproduce and distribute excerpts or entire pieces of my work.
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Dear Natalie, I can’t thank you enough for your wonderful blog! I used to read a lot and your helped me so much, I managed to rid of my two ACs:) I am single for two years now and not looking. Happy with myself and my 6 years old child x
I agree, Natalie you have been a life saver. When I realized that I could no longer stay in a relationship in which none of my needs were being met I prayed for help in figuring out how to end it and somehow ended up on baggage reclaim. I am eternally grateful for everything I have learnt about ending unhealthy relationships and recognizing healthy ones. The bitterest lesson has been learning to let go of all my worldly possessions which I had left in the care of the AC EUM with the understanding that once I was settled in my new job in another country, he would send them to me. It has been over a year now and he has done nothing. I often ask myself how he sleeps at night knowing that I am taking care of the baby we had together and still having to spend more money buying household items while he surrounds himself with items stolen from me and contributes nothing to the baby’s care and upbringing. I have been NC with him since April then I broke NC for a couple of weeks to maintain low contact since we have a child together. In the beginning of the low contact he blew hot for a few weeks, pretending to want to participate in his daughter’s life and also promising to organize for my possessions to be delivered to me. Then he went cold and I haven’t heard from him since. I have reinstituted NC and I will not break it for any reason including trying to get my stuff back but it pains me to think that even after becoming the mother of his child, he would still steal from me. Truth be told, he did show signs of thieving early on in the relationship. He stole money from my wallet countless times. Since I was in the justifying zone, rather than acknowledge this for the red flag that it was, I bought a safe. Every evening when I returned home from work, I would keep my purse in the safe so as to keep it “safe” from him and the days I forgot he sure took the opportunity to take whatever he could find. Despite this, I stayed with him for 7 years thinking he would eventually see the error of his ways and change. Also, I was afraid to be alone. Until I listened to this podcast, I was planning to organize a trip to go to his country to collect my stuff myself but I think I will take Natalie’s advice and believe that somehow what I have lost will be returned to me in other ways. A very costly lesson in time and money.