Based on how dating websites/apps are driven or the mental wish list and criteria many of us have, you’d be forgiven for having personality traits, interests, hobbies, profession, height, how much they earn, their level of education, which religion or beliefs they claim, and more, on your list of musts for a romantic partner.
Billions of us, myself included, have made our minds up in advance about what’s attractive to us. Our criteria include what we, on some level, believe makes a person more likely to be or not be certain things we value or fear. We think we can just list off info about ourselves on a profile or to someone and, shazam, job done. Instead, we struggle to make these relationships work despite our attraction and how someone might tick our or society’s boxes. It baffles us that we’re grappling with emotional unavailability, commitment resistance, or struggling to be on the same page.
You might wonder, ‘Well, what do I need to look for in someone if I want a loving relationship? How do I know if somebody has the potential to be a loving partner?’
No one can say they’re these things, indicate it with one factor, or present an image of it. If they attempt to, that’s intensity, not intimacy. They can only show it, which takes time, experience and vulnerability.
I’ve been running Baggage Reclaim since September 2005, and I’ve spent many thousands of hours writing this labour of love. The site has been ad-free the entire time, and it costs hundreds of pounds a month to run it on my own. If what I share here has helped you and you’re in a position to do so, I would love if you could make a donation. Your support is so very much appreciated! Thank you.
Copyright Natalie Lue 2005-2025, All rights reserved. Written and express permission along with credit is needed to reproduce and distribute excerpts or entire pieces of my work.
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